I think I am in a depression. I have no one to turn to. I feel like I don;t want to live anymore. I don;t want to kill myself, I just want to diasappear. Just not wake up. Something anything has to be better than this life. I am stuck in a rut and throwing 30 ft roosters. I am going nowhere. I fell in love with Trent all over again the other night. He was drunk and being so sweet and kind to me. That's all I want/ That's all I have wanted all along. Then yesterday he stopped over for all of 10 minutes and tonight he stood me up. I hate him. I have never made a bigger mistake in my life than choosing to get pregnant with him. What I really want to know. More than anything is why is Rachel so much better than me? What did she do to make him love her so much more. He was going to marry her. He wont marry me. What's so wrong with me that no one wants to be with me. Maybe Cathy was right. There is nothing wrong with my mom, or Tom or anyone, it's all aout me. I am completely fucked up. I have been struggling so hard to stay afloat for so long and no one has even asked me what is wrong. No one gives a damn. Trent just calls me a bitch and forgets about me. I wish he could just see that there is something wrong. I need help. I can;t live this life alone.