| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Daniel Bettingfield "If your not the one" |
my life is filled with doctor's appointments and shrink appointments
Today I did not attend school. I felt really bad....personal reasons. The normal parentals getting mad about it and blah blah blah. Promises I will break soon enough. Good new is I slept in until like 12. I got up and called Lacey and told her I was getting dressed. She came and got me and we went to borders and sat there until 1:30 and then made our way to St. Joe's to my doctor's appointment. That sucks shit. My wart has to be removed by some other "more experienced" doctor cause it's too deep. I still don't feel good...and plus and extra sad. I feel so alone. It's more of not being able to talk to anyone and I have no comfort from anyone. I dunno. I just really wanna call up one of my guyfriends or someone and just lay in bed with them and cuddle. nothing sexual. No strings attacted. I just want to talk and cuddle and be able to cry on someone. Things are so stressful right now. 2 months and I'm out of that school. I have to worry about college. What I am going to do about a job. And still about the prom (Still no date), graduation party, goign to Florida, money, apartment. Omg I'm just gonna die! And one top of tht I'm trying to hide my depression from everyone. My heart is still in a million pieces and all I really wanna do right now is call up Eddie and talk to him. Not talk but really talk. Tell him everything. It just hurts so much that it's like he doesn't even care. I've never ever ever been this head over heels for a person so much. I just wish I could take all the stars in the sky and give them to him or write down everything I feel but it's just too much. It's so much and I can't possibly get it all out. I can rely on him so much well I could. I just really want to see him. I want to just sit down and talk. I wanna hug him and I wanna smile at him and just kiss him. It's driving me insane. I'm so sad without him but I'm trying to hold on. I want to be with him but he's not ready. It hurts like a bitch but I have to deal...but I really do'nt want to. I sit late at night in my bed wishing and hoping he will just call me out of the blue and just say he loves me and wants to work things out. I dream of him just showing up at my house and just hugging me so tightly and take me somewhere to talk.
Hopeless that'e me.....
**Belle**
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