| Current mood: |  thoughtful |
| Current music: | All You Want by Tegan and Sara |
50 Reasons Why Monkies Fling Crap at You
I better warn you now, that I have nothing to say. But, I am REALLY bored. Not like, There's-Nothing-to-do-Bored...Oh no. Like, Desperation-Has-Me-in-it's-Cold-Dead-Hands-and-I'll-do-Anything Bored. So, I'm making a list. Yep- a list, of my current rants...
1. I find semi-colons useless.
2. I don't like the word colon.
3. I don't like the word semi.
4. My mum keeps coming in here, with a sheer shirt on, and I am very disturbed.
5. I don't like giant chickens with huge boners.
6. My NEW CD Walkman keeps skipping like a fiend.
7. The president doesn't reply to my death threats.
8. Guys suck. A rant that has existed since the dawn of time. Only back then it might have been: Men sucketh.
9. I don't like when people stare at me intensely, unless they're talking to me about something intense. Otherwise- it's just creepy.
10. The hypocracy of Religion is astounding.
11. I don't like that half the people who read this won't know what hypocracy means.
12. The secondary education system does not fully prep kids for post-secondary. If you can't read, write, and spell- you should be held back. Not pity-passed.
13. How people think the number 13 is bad luck. Superstitions are ridiculous. Wouldn't you laugh if, like, 5 minutes after I type this sentence- a train falls on my house? Killing only me- or course.
14. I want a monkey! My mum won't buy me a monkey!
15. Or one of those pigs from the cell phone commercial.
16. Junior mints are good- but just a mini-rip off of Pep.
17. We might get a COCKatiel, but we might not. I want a COCKatiel. You hafta put stress on COCK.
18. I smashed my VCR. Now, I have no VCR. I learned that VCR good.
19. I can't say 'pudding' without laughing, LMAO.
20. I can't stop touching myself. I'm touching myself right now. Yes, RIGHT now.
21. If a froodle is a doodle and most doodles are moodles- is a moodle REALLY a froodle?
22. Why do people feel the need to bath in perfume? It's made for only a few sprays/drops. That's why it's so strong.
23. Speaking of scent- Axe makes me hot. Wait- that's not a rant. Oh well.
24. I hear voices in my head. Frankie the Elf, Tama, Wilson, Elliot and Kyoko. Sometimes Bob and Evil Bob.
25. That cop was leering at me.
26. I don't see why it's illegal not to wear your seatbelt. If I wanna crash, and go through my windsheild, that's MY business.
27. I don't like shaking hands. It makes me nervous. Why must everyone new I meet shake my hand?
28. I don't like Jehovah's Witnesses. Anyone who would let their kid die, rather than give them someone else's blood- should be shot and pissed on. And, I don't like being woken up at 4am to be given a pamphlet.
29. I don't like the "Blood- it's in you to give." commercials. Blood is not in you to give- it's in you to keep you alive. Giving blood is something you do 'coz you care- not 'coz you hafta. I don't give blood.
30. I hate people who are scared of a little needle. I mean- come on!
31. I hate parents who brag about how fantastic their kids are, and then you catch them in a dark alley cokin' it up.
32. I hate Digby. I think it should be burnt to the ground and used as a landfill.
33. I hate that we waste billions of dollars a year on space exploration. Why? So we can ruin ANOTHER planet?
34. I don't like wannabes. I HATE Avril Levigne. She is the epitome of a poser.
35. I hate that you probably don't know what epitome means.
36. Or how to pronounce it.
37. I hate, more than anything, being bored.
38. I hate how people make the bizarrest assumptions about me.
39. I hate even more that they're usually right.
40. I don't like kids that aren't well-mannered. If you don't say "Please." and "Thank you." I WILL beat you like a red-headed step-child.
41. In fact- I don't care how old you are- you're not polite? I'll slap ya out harder than Oprah on a Wednesday.
42. Reality television shows that have NOTHING to do with ACTUAL reality. I mean- how often are you stranded in the Amazon with a film crew?
43. I don't like homophobes. If you have a strong problem with gays- you most likely have some pretty messed, deep-seeded, sexual issues. Deal with them.
44. I HATE Martha Stewart. She's like Satan incarnate, who likes to make microwaves outta pine cones.
45. I also HATE Phil Collins. If Phil Collins was in a movie theatre, singing while *I* was trying to watch Tarzan- I'd slit his fuckin' throat. I paid good money to be there.
46. I hate when cell phones go off during movies. Or when people talk loudly. But, especially when people bring their 2 year old to the movie. And, they start wailing. Like, what are you? Stupid? You knew this would happen.
47. I hate when guys try and make out during a movie. I can make out with you at home for free. If I pay to watch a movie- I'm damn well gonna watch it.
48. I hate Dr. Seuss. I'll green-eggs-and-ham you, ya rat-bastard.
49. I don't like public washrooms. They're DISGUSTING. It's like using a stranger's dildo. Would you use a dildo you picked up off the ground? Then why would you use a public rest room?
50. I hate that I'm finished this list- and still have more rants.
H
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