|Current music:||"Walking and Thinking"--Ra|
song on mubness
and it hits hard like a high slapping across your face--watching that bullet singing towards me. powerless to stop it. like you never woke up from the nightmare at all, like your head never really broke the surface. and i'm fine because i'm nothing, because i can't even feel it on the surface anyway. body mechanical to make it easier, to keep it simple. i can see it anyway all the same old movements through new days. walking and thinking away anything left on my skin, keep it simple, keep it empty, don't show it touch inside. and maybe I’ll come out of it. maybe i just forgot how to ask. maybe i don't want you knowing. don't want to give you the ability to hurt me. but the nights don't help any. awake so scared in an empty bed. whispering to your intonations--past now--but i know every rise and fall under your throat.
don't i fake this skin so pretty? how does it look all wrapped away in nothing you can touch? how does this distance look to you? you're so far already that you can't even see it. all of these fears falling into place. drifting beyond where you want to see me looking lost against the Dark. shivering around my cigarette, muscles knotted beyond the help of skilled hands. i'm all tied up inside, where i don't want your fingers' help. trying to get it all undone, but just lashing it up smaller. as long as there are no loose ends i'm fine................right?. confused as to where to put a heart that i'm ignoring, numb to dispel the pain. i don't want it anymore. so i the numb fell down quick, nothing like a bullet-blast to shatter my emotion across the floor.