|Current mood:|| bored|
|Current music:||Note: I am Bored to an Extreme Extent, and yeah..|
More Notes to Self. (Read all the Way through and Get a Quiz!)
1. Try not to cough while drinking.
2. Coughing is painful. Try to do it as little as possible.
3. Never leave coke in your mouth too long. It gets very hot and turns your teeth to rubber.
4. It is best not to stand in the rain when you are sick.
5. Never try to swim in a puddle. It just makes you look silly.
6. On second thought, swim in a puddle. Note peoples expressions.
7. Be sure not to swim in the puddle when its cold. It's just not good common sense.
8. Stare at people at school. Note their expressions.
9. Tobasco sauce is not the best medicine.
10. Never say you think you may cough up a lung. Because one day you will cough up that lung, and it won't be too pretty.
11. Get really close to finding the secret of the universe, but get bored at the last minute and go play video games.
12. Don't piss God off...For obvious reasons.
13. Never remove things from the top of your head. It just becomes a painful, sticky mess.
14. All electronic equipment is out to get you.
15. Stay away from Radioshack.
16. Despite what you may think, you did not invent duct tape.
17. Coconuts are....painful.
18. Always carry a map. That way you know where you are lost at.
19. Despite what you may think, you are not omnipotent.
20. Think of a way to become omnipotent. Tell no one.
21. Don’t die alone. Take many people with you.
22. Remember, your name is Patt. This may come up.
23. They will live to regret this. Repeat this aloud as often as possible.
24. Smirk, as if you know something, from time to time. This will eventually cause people to tell you their secrets.
25. God is everywhere. This makes for a tough game of hide-and-seek.
26. In regard to previous note: stop doing anything!
27. If someone in a green suit offers you a free trip to Afghanistan, Israel, or Palestine, avoid this person at any cost.
28. Floor is slippery when wet.
29. Lake is slippery when dry.
30. Sun is bright when lit properly.
31. Do not stare directly at the sun…unless it stares at you first. At which point, standard staring contest rules apply.
32. Only talk to strangers you know.
33. Strangers you don't know are all spies... Kill them all.
34. For legal purposes be sure to erase last entry.
35. Tell all your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you.
36. Regarding previous note: Upon telling your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you, be sure to kill them…for security purposes
37. You're telling yourself too much.
38. Crying isn’t going to help anything. Try your luck with violent mood swings.
39. Mirrors are not portals to parallel universes; do not purposely run into them because of obscene gestures made by your counterpart.
40. Do not run with scissors stuck in your foot.
41. Do not read between the lines; you’ll never learn anything like that.
42. Assemble your twelve closest friends, and start a war with Canada.
44. Find some way of making twelve close friends.
45. Upon taking Canada, be sure to gloat about it, and make outrageous mandates such as replacing the word "Hello" with "Boo-ya!"
46. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
47. 73 years from now, adding up 6% interest, your current friends will owe you a total of $53,325.32.
48. Make new friends; see note number 44.
49. Friends are over-rated, enemies make life a lot more interesting.
50. Next time you kill someone, make sure that they are indeed DEAD, as failure to do so may result in some nasty questions...
51. The Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about.
52. New evidence emerges, disregard last note.
53. Look into possible "stalker" reference in the following excerpt: ...and everywhere that Mary went...
54. Remember to eat more than once today.
55. For best results: turn knob, THEN open door.
56. Remember not to run with scissors. Even trotting with them at a good clip may be dangerous.
57. Never leave car keys in your pocket when playing on the Slip 'n Slide.
58. You left your car keys on the night stand.
59. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
60. For the last time, you cannot fly. No matter how far off the ground you are when you begin flapping your arms.
61. Even with a good tail wind.
62. Run into a crowded firehouse and yell, "Theatre!!"
63. Remember to rewind tape and find out where you left your car keys.
64. Breathing is a good way to avoid blacking out while driving.
65. Flammable and Inflammable mean the same thing.
66. Lather, rinse, repeat.
67. Heheh, "a good clip." Trotting with scissors...."clip." Write that one down.
68. Unlike a fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
69. Do not let your eyes off of the mosquitoes for a minute! They have begun mobilizing.
70. In one study, laboratory rats died after 17 days without sleep. Learn from the mistakes of others.
71. Ship has crashed on a desert world. Food supplies running low. Robotic assistant damaged beyond repair. Child dying. Wife fading fast. Never let Dr. Smith do the driving again.
72. Investigate this whole "Critical Mass" thing after the klaxon dies down.
73. Car keys found. Now, where did I put my car?
74. The chicken/egg thing has been resolved.
75. And always remember...uh...um...damn.
76. Buy more micro-sized tapes for recorder.
77. If someone else is also trying to take over the world, kill them.
78. Memo to self, do not forget this memo.
80. The computer does not want a kiss.
81. Taunt the computer with a virus until the blue screen goes away.
82. I win!
83. Find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
84. Get on the super hero's good side, then become the villian.
85. Your other personality doesn't need an ice cream too...
86. Yes I do!
87. No....you do not you pig!
88. That's it, I'm outta here! I don't need this verbal abuse!
89. You can't leave!!!!! I neeeeeeed you!
90. Deep down inside, we're all skitzos.
91. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
92. That way is rum.
93. Those who don't do, teach.
94. Your teacher doesn't like it when you call out.
95. Your teacher doesn't like it when you raise your hand.
96. Throwing books out the window is not a good way to get on the teachers goodside.
97. Neither is knocking over desks.
98. Be intimidating.
99. If you have an old teacher, go ahead and cuss.
100. Sing the most annoying song you know.
101. Stop when you notice the person next to you is singing along.
102. Mission accomplished.
103. Say stupid things like 'Speaking of mashed potatoes...'
104. Talk in a southern accent.
105. Talk in a British accent.
106. Tell dumb jokes that make no sense at all, and then just laugh.
EX: Two polar bears are sittin' in a bath tub, one says, "Go screw in the light bulb", so he did.
107. Pretend you have teret syndrome in a public place or transport. i.e., the bus.
108. Powdered milk is the antichrist, remember that.
109. Destroy anything that even resembles a cow.
110. Melted cheese is NOT good for watering plants.
111. I wonder who went up to a cow and said "I'll squeeze these and drink whatever comes out."
112. Mayonnaise has feelings too.
113. Humor stupid people, it makes them feel intellegent.
114. Plot to take over the earth using farm fowl.
115. Strike that; rubber suited, fire breathing far fowl are more efficient.
116. Never stand up in class and shout, "Dance, dance you little monkeys!"..People might stare.
117. You are not a flying slice of balogna.
118. When in the presence of someone more wise than yourself, point in a random direction and say, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.
119. Number twelve is too good to have its own note, so move on to thirteen.
120. No matter how much candy you have, you will always want more.
121. Do not tell children Santa Claus is fat because he eats little kids.
122. all your base are belong to us
123. all your muffins are belong to us, too
124. Your name is Patt. Disregard that old man who calls you Jonathan, he is senile.
125. Clearasil is for cleaning your face, Lysol is for cleaning the floor. Using these on the opposite surfaces will result in a lemony fresh face and pimple free floor, neither of which is the desired result.
126. The silvery incorperal person is not real despite what she says.
127. While 42 may be the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, it is an insufficient answer to most mathmatical problems.
128. Dunk your head in boiling water.
129. Disregard above note, was recorded by your brother.
130. Have doctor treat results of note number 128.
131. Tape your show.
132. Disregard above note, your show was canceled. Hunt down the monsters who would so that to your show.
133. Disregard above note. New information has revealed that your show had been cancelled years ago and you had been seeing re-runs. The people who originally cancelled 'Bewitched' have already died.
134. Find new favorite show.
135. Tape new favorite show.
136. Blonds that Are in classes like dance & Cheer, Will never understand depressing poetry...ever...
137. Never date Blonds that are in classes like Dance & Cheer...ever...
138. To where pink at school is to Die.
139. You friends consist of: Goths, Outcasts, Geeks, Nobodies, nothings, Hackers, The Shy kids, & a High elf wizard named Zem’zaellinkinvalishmar who is 384 years old, considers himself a mere teenager and can teleport you to the plane of fear if the need arises for it
140. Sword of Fire pulse broken gas line = pain, in extreme amounts.
141. All Pissed off blonds you dump will automatically cling to your best friend
142. Life is painful, Death is painful...I really don't see a difference do you?
143. NEVER... EVER download BONZI buddy.
144. Day after graduating, come back and spill gasoline behind you going through the entire school screaming “You will all perish in flames!”
145. Scratch that, do it quietly during a class period.
146. Park car 10ft. from the point that you stop spilling the liquid.
147. Get in car.
148. Fix lighter to burn on its own.
149. Throw lighter onto gas.
150. Drive away laughing hysterically.
151. Yell out window something to the extent of “Good riddance you pest infected junk yard!”
152. Scratch whole senior prank idea, would have to carry it on to the college level in the next state.
153. Your dog does not breathe that loud.
154. Scratch that, you can hear her outside.
155. Do not talk to your self out loud, it frightens people.
156. Because I said so.
157. Just because your friends tell you monthly that you scare them does not make it true.
158. Having complete strangers tell you that monthly does.
159. The tree on the school grounds will not implode and suck the life out of everything, thus ending the world.
160. The other one to the left will burn down the world first, it’s collecting lightening clouds.
161. Duck tape does solve all problems.
162. Calculate how much room there is between the garage door and ceiling of garage directly proportional to your little brother’s width.
163. Get more duck tape.
164. Raise garage door.
165. Disconnect garage door.
166. Ignore the frightened looks you get form the neighbors.
167. Scratch that, glare at the looks they give you.
168. Take down brother before neighbors call the cops.
167. Bribe him to stay silent.
168. Potato guns shoot far.
169. Point in the opposing direction of your neighbor’s roof.
170. Shoot the other neighbor’s front door, it leaves a bigger dent.
171. Inside of a potato gun, alcohol and firecrackers don’t mix.
172. Outside doesn’t work either.
173. Bribe the little demon in your computer to cooperate.
174. Scratch that, threatening is more fun.
175. Scratch that, bribing keeps your homework typed out.
176. Running down the halls of your school screaming at the top of your lungs : “The evil carnivorous ducks, mutant grass, and radioactive chickens are trying to take over the world!” does not get the point across.
177. Adding: “Run for your pathetic lives!” does.
178. Same for the evil seagulls of death.
179. Bind best friend’s mouth with duck tape so she does not tell any one that some of these are actual note’s to self.
180. Find a way to stop typing what you’re thinking, they might find something out.
181. Glaring at the computer screen when you’re IMing does nothing more then make the little demon mad.
182. If 42 is the answer to the universe, then is 43 the most evil number in the universe?
183. Stay away from 43.
184. While arguing with friends, Don’t use “Just because I believe in a little world in my head doesn’t make it real!” as an argument when your choir teacher is walking past.
185. Because it makes him start to regret the FBI job to kill you that he turned down.
186. The people from the government aren’t out to get you.
187. They are trying to run away from you.
188. The evil, demented person in the mirror is, on the other hand.
189. Fire is fun.
190. Only start bon fires in your driveway.
191. Grass burns.
192. Faster than you can get the hose.
193. Kill all your enemies in the most disturbing way possible.
194. Start with drowning them with fire ants.
195. If that does not work, ties them up and cut them up, chunk-by-chunk.
196. If that does not work, Call Mary Anne for help.
197. Don’t tell anyone about the inside joke.
198. Scratch that: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1166193
199. If all else fails, tie them up and make them listen to your entire list of notes to self, half of which are not posted. This will cause them to go insane.
200. People Don’t want to know about your problems.
201. That’s their problem.
202. Find the creator of pop ups.
203. Kill them
205. High explosives Don’t solve most problems
206. They solve ALL problems along with duct tape.
207. Write down important information down
208. Yes, your hand will do fine
209. You’ve been using nail polish remover again, go wash your hands before you die from too much poison intake.
210. Get recorder to remember important information, pen washes off.
211. Put tapes in recorder AND THEN record
212. Dispose of recorder due to the excessive amount of incriminating evidence.
213. Dispose of tapes too
214. The internet is bad for you.
215. It encourages you that’s why
216. Yes, so do emails and IM’s
217. It’s okay to still use the computer though, just take out that internet cable
218. That’s the power cable to the city stupid, it was in the ground for a reason.
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