|Current mood:|| determined|
|Current music:||That's the Impression I Get - Mighty Mighty Bosstones|
Notes to My Confused Self (Woo. Bored. )
1. people are staring at you.
2. so act insane.
3. when seeing Lord of the Rings cheer for the trees.
4. Spongebob is the knower of ALL wisdom.
5. if today is not your day, then make sure it's no one else day either.
6. when seeing Star Wars do not try to take the lightsaber from the screen.
7. When the people in the white jackets come, ask for a room with lots of pointy objects.
8. If that doesn't work ask them for a designer jacket.
9. When people give you strange looks make sure you go up and start shaking their hand.
10. If accused of world domination, just turn and walk away.
11. Then go home a plot world destruction since they know of your last plan.
12. If you live in your own little happy world, I will find you.
13. Mint gum can cure anything except schizophrenia.
14. Some people live, some peole die, and I rule.
14. Never try to image Yoda as a football fan. -shudder-
15. Pointy objects are fun.
16. Dragons are fun until the knight shows up, then you have to lie low so they blame the dragon.
17. If life gives you lemons, throw them at someone.
18. People are weird, but not as weird as me.
19. Coffee is my friend.
20. Go away.
21. Do not introduce self to strangers as role-playing character.
22. Repeatedly trying to pop wolverine claws only pulls tendons in hands.
23. I am not a wolf. I am not stronger than the average vampire. I do not know karate.
24. The Band-Aids are in the basket below the bathroom sink.
25. The cat is not trying to steal my soul while I sleep. The cat is not trying to steal my soul while I sleep. The cat is not trying to – Ahhh! Away! Get away from me you minion of Satan!!
26. Kill Clippit, the annoying Microsoft Word office assistant. He’s working with the cat.
27. Do not ask alter-ego how he is doing.
28. He will answer…at length.
29.Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
30. Do not answer as fictional characters in public.
31. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
32. Do not go out in public.
33. Remember: Blistex and Itch-B-Gone numbing agent come in the same type of applicator.
34. The mirror is not a portal into another realm. Stop running into it.
35. I told you to stop running into it.
36. The Band-Aids are still under the sink.
37. When cell phone says press any key to answer incoming call, do not press 9. Pressing 9 will cause cell phone to explode, sending fiery shards of plastic flying through your inner ear and into your brain.
38. Band-Aids won’t fit in your ear.
39. Plan for world domination: Clip the paperclips in every government office around the world into loops. Then take over world while former leaders are busy trying to find the ends of the paperclip loops.
40. Find out why people always try to find the end of the paperclip chain instead of just unhooking the first one they grab.
41. Keep world domination plan secret.
42. Make it look like an accident.
43. Do not stare at the sun, unless looking through a rubber duckie or eating chinese food.
44. Rubber duckies and chinese food makes everything better
45. Try not to be shocked by the loud disembodied voices in department stores, as no one else seems to be.
46. Wear large trench coat to school. Note people's expressions.
47. Fill trench coat pockets with miscellanious items, such as rubber duckies, duct tape, real ducks, etc. Pull items out while searching for a "Quarter". Note people's expressions.
48. Cold is a figment of your imagination. Just like rain, heat, and time. Pay no attention to it.
49. Upon talking to friends who enjoy secrets, often smile, while trying not to smile, resulting in a smile that looks like you know something. Frequently say things like "I promised not to tell..."
50. It is very hard to write your name normally while circling your left leg counter-clockwise.
51. Russian spies are everywhere. Trust no one.
52. Two words: Trail Mix
53. Often adopt people you see everyday, but never talk to, and don't know their names. Think of a name for them. Keep them in your head as your pet, and have mental conversations with them.
54. Write your name on a sticky note, stick it to your hand so you won't forget.
55. Rubber duckies rule the world. Quack.