| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Steps Ascending - Thursday |
So this is what it feels like when you don't fit into your own skin?
Well, Christmas is coming to a close as I type. Isn't it weird how things only come once a year, and although it seems like they take too slow to come, they also come really fast. If that makes any sense. Time confuses me. I don't like it because it's always against me.
The LAMEST, and most pathetic excuse one can use is "Well, you didn't tell me not to tell..." if you find out that they have gone off spouting every thing that you say about people. I don't tell people not to tell things that I say because I don't expect them to do so in the first place. I didn't know that you had to explicitly tell someone not to do something just to ensure that they wouldn't. I thought that you could actually trust someone with like an unspoken oath or something like that, but no, how could I ever think that? That is a foreign concept to practically all of the assholes that I'm growing up with. I guess I was wrong, once again. Silly me, I should have known that you can't truly trust anyone. Because say if someone is talking to someone and they just completely run out of topics for conversation, but they have acquired some very juicy dirt that you've said about them, they see it as the PERFECT opportunity for something to talk about. Talk about friends, eh? The minute they get the opportunity, they'll totally forget about that silly thing that one calls "friendship" and "trust" and just go and say everything you told them in confidence, but it's okay because you never told them not to. Right?
I just hate this town. There is nothing left in it for me except for Matt. He is just so
[brace yourself, it's going to get sentimental] understanding, and he totally gets me and agrees with the things that I say. He's always on my side, and he's the only real friend that I have left. Everyone else has just fallen to shit. It's almost like I feel ostracized. There are all of these cliques that formed two years ago, and are damned if they're going to admit any new members. I hate this town. I wish I could move.
Talk about a lovely Christmas, eh? I thought that maybe my mom could give me a Christmas present of not getting totally shitfaced tonight, but that didn't work out, just like it didn't on my birthday. I spent a ride in a car with her shitting my pants because she was drunk as all hell, slurring her words, and driving all over. I was praying to the God that I don't even believe in that I would live through Christmas, and fortunately I did. Oh, what I said about moving earlier...if I were to move it would definitely be with my dad. I would totally leave her here to follow through with the self-destructive behavior she's been exhibiting for the past four years and let her waste away and die. That's all that she deserves right now. Christmas has sucked.
I conclude.
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