| Current mood: |  blah |
| Current music: | I was the devil for one afternoon - BOYSNIGHTOUT |
Tomorrow we'll wake up in time to stop this double suicide.
Oh, Mr. Gordon. That. Cunt. Face. He tried to move me today so I ran away and told him that I was sitting back in my old seat. I hate him so much. I can't wait to get out of science and get into history. Well, I can't decide who will be worse yet, the wrath of Ms. Joyce or the stupidity of Mr. Gordon. All I know is that they're both probably cunt-faces who deserve a nice, swift kick to the gonads. Victoria is still mad at me and I could give less of a fuck. I refuse to get hung up on something as stupid as her not talking to me because I brought up something that happen LAST YEAR. A motherfucking year ago. Get over it.
Today was pretty gay. The only thing I could think about was how much I wanted to sleep. I love sleeping more than anything. You can just get away from everything, and you don't have to give a fuck about a thing when you're sleeping, because nothing is real in dreams. Life would be so much easier if nothing really mattered, just like how it is in dreams. You can stop things and switch to a new dream when things don't go the way you want them to. Well, unfortunately life sucks and I guess I'll just have to live with it. But it's weird because no matter how depressed I get, I'm still happy. Is that possible? I don't know how to describe how I feel anymore. I know all I do is whine about how much my life sucks in here, but really, it doesn't. It just seems like that because I'm such a screwed up person who can't find one emotion and stick with it.
Today the weirdest thing happened. In communications, I really had to pee and I went to go get my planner signed by Ms. A and she gives me this real concerned look and says, "What's been up with you these past few days?" in this real concerned voice. I wasn't really sure what she meant, but I think it had something to do with my mental stability. So I just stood there and tried to sort of laugh it off, but she still gave me this look like she was studying me or something. I don't really see what she thinks is wrong with me. I mean, even during my happiest moments people think I'm still depressed. Maybe it's just how people perceive me. Or maybe I'm just a hard-to-read person. Who knows. But it was really weird that she said that, like she was actually concerned about my well-being. I have never had a teacher who has actually said something to me like they were concerned about me. Oh, man, if I had Ms. A last year during all the shit that I was going through, if she is concerned about me now she would have wanted to call in a psychiatrist and get me mentally evaluated on the spot. But sometimes I think it's better when there aren't third party sources to interfere. Early this year I was thinking about going to Miss Corvetti just so maybe I'd be able to deal with some things that I needed to deal with, but if I can hardly even open up to my very good friends, how would I be able to open up to some weird woman that I hardly even know. I mean, I can't even talk to my mom about this stuff. But then again, I don't talk to my mom about much. I wish I were like some of those girls who told their mom everything, and they're mom understood and didn't say critiquing things about them, or didn't just judge them for every little thing. But then again, it's nice not having her in any of my business, since she knows none of it.
I'm thinking of getting this journal reviewed, but I don't know if it would get any high ratings. I couldn't take that disappointment. I put so much energy into this, and I think that if someone started just said something about everything I complain about in here being trivial or some bullshit like that, it would just make me muy mad. Well, I'll have to think about this.
Today we had our last practice of the season. It was actually sort of sad. I have been dreading this soccer season's ending. It's been such a great season and has made me unbelievably happy. I don't want it to end, but I guess it must. I'm going to miss practices a lot though. They were very fun (minus the summer ones) and I'll miss Mr. Tranchina and all of his joke...things. He was a great coach.
Well, wasn't that a strange entry?
I conclude.
(Read comments)
|
