I woke up this morning to the schrill schreek of my alarm. It was like a freight train blowing it’s horn in the distance, coming closer… closer….closer… until it seemed to be right on top of me. I bolt up right and thrash my head around in fear looking for the train that is about to claim my life… And there goes the insistent beeping of my alarm. I hate being startled awake.
Good God. It’s past 10am, When was the last time I’ve slept in this long. It’s an indulgence that I feel like I should be guilty over. Waking up at nearly dawn for so long can turn one’s mind this way. But look.. I no longer have that NEED. Perhaps I should keep up the practice? Keep rolling out of my bed and going threw the seemingly robotic habits that have allowed me to wake up and be a productive part of society for so long?
I want a gun.. I want one now. Something small would do, let’s say……50 caliber! I would kill that alarm clock and send it to never never land…. Where apparently I was just dreaming of. Shoot… do I fight the system that I’ve created for myself? Or fight the self-destructive habits that come when routine is broken?
Ok.. Just took another 5minets from my life with a delectable cancer stick. Things are in perspective again. I mustn’t kill the alarm clock, it’s my cell phone, I’d die with out my life line to the world. Sad, I know. I mustn’t conform to bad habits of too many of my friends and of my old ways of being lazy and sitting on the couch all day, endearing Mr. Jerry Springier and thinking…”this episode is about my life…again”. I must fight to keep the happy corporate America plastic smile about getting up early, putting on my tie after shining my shoes and heading out the house when the birds are starting to show they are awake with song. I must be strong, not allow myself to get overwhelmed again… I must go find that ever-elusive 2end job so I can pay my ever-insistent bills.
God I HATE mornings. I go from serial killer of electronic goods, to the mamma’s boy, “just 5 more minutes.. I swear I’ll get up” to this: Awake, ultra alert, sharp as a rusty razor and ready to tackle the world…..one moron at a time.