|Current mood:|| anxious|
June 14, 2003
So let's see. First off, no names will be mentioned. Not because I'm trying to be dorkish or respectful, but I really doubt my friends want to see their names pop up in an online journal that can be read by any weird sicko out there. So ces't la vie. First and last initials will be used. And if there are repeats, then middle initials will be used. Tada - hopefully they'll be able to pick out who they are. Ciao.
Yesterday was the first day I was home from Georgia, visiting at my father's house - and my brother's house. Mom went and picked up our chihuahua, Valentine, from the kennel. Agh, puppy kisses are supposed to be sweet - they're nasty. Um, then I had to go over and sit with my great grandmother while my grandfather took my grandmother for a mamogram. Whee, that was boring. I watched Lifetime and read my vampire novels by Laurell K. Hamilton.
S.P. came over yesterday, too, and spent the night. She is, by far, my best friend. And we won't even get into that. We watched Kissing Jessica Stein. It was hilarious - especially to us. But anyway...then we got up and on the computer to talk to T.H. Wonderful. Those two are "dating," by the way. *claps* Anyway...
He was in a bitter mood - but he had reason, I suppose. Anyway, sorry, I'm going to go into last night. S.P. stopped talking to help my mom with something, so I got on and talked to T.H. He was being real bitter, but hey - I can handle that. o.o Anyway, S.P. grabbed a romance novel when she got done and was "reading" it, while T.H. and I were talking. He got really pissy and started saying he was ODing on pills. Well, I'm awfully damn gullable (don't correct my spelling.) So, I believed he was really doing it. But I was being way too prideful and pretending to not let it effect me - but we both know it did. I basically snapped after that. *shrugs* But it'd been coming for a few years, now.
I ended up taking 15 aspirin pills, which came to 4875 milligrams - which is just under 7 times the normal amount you're supposed to take. And I did this through his "I'm coming over there if you take one more pill thing!" (Which he ended up coming over, but not last night.) Yeah yeah, whatever. I kept taking them, and for the life of me...I don't know why. God, everything was piling up during the school year, but I shrugged it all off. And I'm still shrugging it all off, and I know it's not healthy. But it's bad when you hold things inside because there's no one to tell, and then you still feel like you've only talked to a wall after you've told someone. I can't explain it.
Anyhow, I went to sleep when mom left for work, at 6 AM. S.P. tried to come in and wake me up at some-odd-time, but I was so tired from the drugs, so I rolled over. She ended up crawling into bed with me and sleeping more. T.H. called at 1-something in the afternoon, and waking me up. It was sweet, though, actually. He was like "Are you ok?" I'm like, "Yeah," even though I wasn't. A lot of silence over the phone, though. I have this anxiety about the phone - I dunno why.
So I got online and talked to him. S.P. got up and started cutting the peppers for mom, and T.H. came over. He had surgery on his toe not long ago, so he's on one crutch. It's funny, but not. Anyway, S.P. shooed us out of the kitchen, so we chilled in the livingroom until she was done. My stomach and head were killing me, not to mention the dizziness. I was nauseus, dizzy, and could feel my racing heartbeat the whole time. It's amazing how much more aware of your body you are when you're worried about how sick you might've made yourself.
We ended up in a "my pillow!" "No, my pillow" thing (S.P. and I. Then T.H. and her.) It was cute. Then they fell asleep, but I couldn't see. Every time I'd fall asleep in the chair, I'd wake up a minute later, breathing hard and feeling my heartbeat. It scared me. I dunno why.
Hmm, S.P. called her mom at 6 PM to get picked up, and T.H. left. Hrm, he really was worried about me taking those pills, though I dunno why. I need to stop distrusting people, but it's hard. Mom's getting me an appointment with the shrink again. I stopped seeing one in October of last year, and the small amount of therapy I got wasn't helpful at all. And mom's getting me an appointment for all my anxieties/phobias this time instead of the cutting, but that's going to be obvious to the therapist, because it'll probably be the same one. *shrugs*
Hrm, and that's about all. Yup, that's all. Ok, time to go listen to T.H. talk about music and "I miss her" some more...and hopefully my stomach will stay stable. It hurt all day, and then I finally tried to eat. It stayed down! ^.^ Whoot. So now we'll see. Ciao.