| Current mood: |  depressed |
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A day that will live forever
My hands shake, but my heart beats slowly today. Today my Grammy passed away. I know that it was comming...I just didnt think that it would happen well today. I fuckin hate the month of October. It sucks so much. I cant believe that shes gone. I just even comprehend it. I dont want to leave my mother alone..and all she wants is to be left alone. I couldnt go in and see the body. It just wasnt her...it isnt how I want to remember her. A part of me wishes that I was there. My therapist says that most people dont "transistion" till the loved ones are gone. And my mother and aunt wnet home for a little R&R and CM went to take a nap. Thats when it happend. I am however proud of myself bc Im being so strong..eventhough I dont need to be. I havent cut. And that is a huge accomplishment for me. B/c I should have by now...I should be..well Im not so enough said. Nothing else matters....Wind I have to remember wind..My therapist told me to remember wind and thats her. That Grammy told her to tell me that she wants to dance now....whatever that means. Im glad that I was able to say goodbye...Im glad that she knows that I love her with every part of me that can love a family member. A mother, sister, friend, nurse, and my grandmother; she was all of these things but shell always be Grammy to me. Windchimes..
Brian and Peter has been with me a lot of the day.. Im so glad that Im not alone on this day.
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