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Ashley (cinnamonspice85) wrote,
@ 2004-04-20 08:18:00
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    Current mood: gloomy
    Current music:Maroon 5

    Tears of Sadness
    What a day I had yesterday. I couldn't stay awake in Biology again and I was just super tired for the remainder of the day so I went home, finished my chemistry which I should have done over the weekend and decided to take a nap before attempting to read a lot of crap for English. I layed down while listening to Incubus' latest cd and I began to think about my father and I started to cry. Now I've cried over this before but for some reason it was different this time. I couldn't stop and I felt as though I couldn't be alone so I started calling all the people I know I could talk to about this and no one was home which made things worst because I really needed someone to tell me that everything would be okay...I needed someone to hold me and I couldn't call my bf because he was busy with his father and I called my other friend Jimmy but he wasn't in the house and he is the one person other then my bf that I know could hug me in a way that let me know that he's there for me and that everything will be okay. I don't know...it's hard going through life without my dad. I miss his encouragement, I miss hearing his voice and the crazy things he would say to make me laugh, I miss him coming into my room and asking how my day was and if I had any homework. I miss the look on his face which I did awesome on an exam. I just miss seeing him all together. People say that he's watching out for me but I don't think it's fair that he can see me but all I have are memories and pictures and reminder that are around the house such as his guitar which I plans on teaching myself how to play one day...it would be a way for me to be connected with him because like he did I share a passion for music. He was the best dad I knew and its hard for me because all of my friends still have their fathers with them whether they live with them or only see them on the weekends, regardless they are there and sometimes I question why I had to be the one to lose a dad. How come God couldn't take away a father who wanted nothing to do with his children, one who had no purpose but to piss people off. I guess he has his reasons I just wish there had been a way to work around them.



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