| Current mood: |  rejuvenated |
| Current music: | the ticking of my brother's blue alarm clock... tick-tock! |
gone exploring
after years of telling myself that i didn't have the time to spare for something a tad too frivolous, though immensely pleasurable, i finally did it again.
i'm talking about walking in the rain.
last saturday morning, i woke up at around 8 a.m. wonder of wonders, i had nothing to do that day. no paper to finish writing. no work deadline to beat. no masters' class to rush to. no lunch/coffee date to show up for. no distraught "son" or "daughter" of mine who needed counseling or wanted company.
nada. zip. zilch... that was what i had scheduled for that day. it was weird, believe me. as soon as i got up from my bed, i was itching to find something to DO. i texted two of my closest friends, Moonbeam and Lucrezia, to ask them if they'd be interested in hanging out with me. unbelievably, they were both sick. recently, we've been all stressed out because of work and our personal lives. no wonder we all came down with some sort of bug. of course, they're both still trying to get well while i was more restless than ever. as Moonbeam would say, "forever gala!" ugh. story of my life.
because i could not bear the idea of spending the entire day in the house thinking of something to do, i decided to go downtown. walk around the city. look at stuff in the ukay-ukay stores. eat somewhere i haven't eaten in before.
i was going exploring on my own... something i haven't done in a while. whoopee-do!
i took a long, cold shower that did not really help beat the scorching heat of this summer. got dressed in a baby blue tee and white-and-teal blue striped pants... they were comfy and easy on the body. moussed my hair, put on some make-up and checked on my sick friends via text messaging…
then the idea of making this blog possessed me. oh yeah! oh boy! oh wow! finally! something that got my creative juices bubbling! planted my butt in front of the computer screen and got myself a new blog. tinkered with the tools available to come up with this design... of course my paramount concern was the color combination.
before i knew it, two hours had passed. it was getting late in the afternoon. i decided that i'd done enough tweaking, i was going out. my feet were begging to walk. so i took the tricycle, rode the train and got off at Libertad. made the rounds of the ukay-ukays... not much stuff that made me go, "oooohhh..."
but in the last store on that street, i found a silk dress with a lace bodice that made go, "ooohhh lalala!" its color was copper that had a peachy-pinkish hue and it felt oh-so-lovely. and it was very, very affordable (did not even cost me 200 pesos). so of course, being the irrepressible and hopeless consumer that i am, i took it home. so much for living frugally for the coming months. i already did the budgeting in my head so i'd have an idea on how to live on the money i've saved up for the remainder of the year, since i won't have much (if any) income at all. still, i went ahead and got that frock. oi, sometimes, i marvel at myself at how i’m able to indulge my whims and still have money in the bank. maybe i am crazy. no, i KNOW i'm insane.
as i was walking out of the store, i received a text message from my mother, asking me to pass by the church where they were hearing mass. mentally, i calculated the time it would take for me to get there after having a really, really late lunch. i figured i would have enough time. as i glanced at my watch, lo and behold, a fat droplet of rain splashed onto my face... it started raining. whee!
i ran to the train station and got into one of the cars. when i got off at Carriedo, it was POURING! brilliant genius that i am, i did not have an umbrella with me because i wanted to travel light. so i ended up running and skipping in the rain, my head protected by the plastic bag with the dress in it. i was carrying a paperback novel – John lé Carre's The Little Drummer Girl and yes, it got hit by droplets of rain. i sprinted towards a building where other people took shelter from the downpour.
after a few minutes though, my hunger got the better of me. i made a dash for the nearest restaurant – Pizza Hut in Escolta. and man, memories came rushing back. the last time i reveled under a rain shower was in college. we were on a field trip in UP Los Baños for our anthropology class. we were hiking and out of nowhere, we were pelted with sheets of relentless rain! that was fantastic! oh god, it was astoundingly refreshing! i had to stop myself from dancing around, lest my classmates thought i belonged in the loony bin.
walking in the rain always reminds me of the taxicab-yellow raincoats we used to wear in high school. i was a CAT officer and in our school, part of my duties was to take charge of the traffic situation in our area. every time my task force and i would be out there, regulating buses and cars and pedestrians in the street under the rain, i always made sure that everyone was supplied with a raincoat. but i, of course, went without one. my fellow officers and guy friends would always insist that i wear a raincoat but i stubbornly refused. i liked having my hair soaked in rainwater. i liked having droplets trickle down my cheek and neck. i like having beads of water quivering in my eyelashes. having squishy shoes and smelly socks was another story, though. eew.
i slipped inside Pizza Hut and sequestered the nearest booth. before i even sat down, i already knew what i wanted to eat. mushroom soup pie... nothing like having steaming hot soup to warm you up. spaghetti with meat balls... nothing like pasta to appease your ravenous appetite. i looked down at myself and shook my head ruefully: my pants were splattered with dots and splats and streaks of mud. hoo-wee. why is it that whenever i choose to wear light-colored pants, something always happens to ruin its pristine crispness?
i set my book on the table and i was strangely fascinated by its state. most paperbacks are printed on paper that's quite thin. and because my book got wet, its shape was slightly distorted. i turned over the book in my hands and i wondered at what i was thinking. i have been reading this book for days now and good grief, one would never get the idea that it was brand-new when i got it. not only was its cover dog-eared and faded in corners, it had scratch marks and folded pages.
egads! the obsessive-compulsive in me was appalled. seriously. i'm a bibliophile. i adore books. i love their scent, texture, shape, volume. whenever i get a new book, especially the hardbound ones, i always give its pages a quick shuffle, so i could inhale its unique aroma of paper and glue and ink. i couldn't believe how careless i've been with the lé Carre book. ugh, i'm turning into a degenerate.
the waiter said i'd have to wait 15 minutes for the food. i got a tissue paper to wipe my feet and legs clean. then i washed my hands, dried them and flipped open the book to read. i got caught up in the spy vs. spy drama of the plot, got sucked into the vortex of the setting that was 1980s London. somewhere in the paragraph, lé Carre mentions Hertz Rent-a-Car. and just like that, another childhood memory flashed before me. when i was in grade school, i would always pass by a Hertz Rent-a-Car outlet on my way home. i remember asking my father to go there to rent one of those cars so we can go for a drive. i wanted to know what it would be like to ride on a car that wasn't yours; i wanted to experience returning it to the owners. i was always worried about how the renters would go home, since they don't have a car anymore. my father laughed at this and shook his head. he couldn't figure out if i was being outrageous or silly.
yeah, yeah, so i was a precocious kid. sue me.
finally, my meal arrived. i set aside lé Carre and attacked the soup. oh what bliss it was to have something warm and savory after hours of walking! hmmmmm... yumyumyum. i glanced around the place and as the two women who were seated in the booth next to mine left, i realized that i was the lone diner. wow. that was odd... and fun, in a certain nerdy way. (by the way, when all this was running through my head, i was already thinking what a great blog entry this would be. wahoo. talk about being a n-e-r-d.)
people always ask me how i can eat alone. or shop alone. or watch the movies or plays alone. i find this question slightly weird... don't people do these things? a guy friend told me that he found my habits unusual for a girl because he doesn't know any female of his acquaintance who would be caught dead dining in a restaurant alone. i didn't know if i was going to be flattered or annoyed by his quip. (i did secretly wonder, though, at the kinds of girls or women he knows.) it certainly made me think how strong my hermit streak can be. after years of introspection, i realized that though i thoroughly enjoy being with people, i need time to be alone. to just be by myself –- just me and my shadow. lately, i find that i need to do this more often because i have to listen to my inner self, to get far away from the demands and agendas of others so i can truly address my emotions and wants and needs. can't do that if you're lost in the din of the maddening crowd around you, can you?
another thing is that i get my best creative ideas when i'm wool-gathering or lost in thought. there are instances when i'm in the FX or jeep or in the family car and i'd bolt upright from my seat and start nodding my head. my lips would curl up in a self-satisfied smile and my entire body would take on a "i'm-so-excited-and-i-just-can't-hide-it" vibe. to me, those are moments of inspirational breakthrough. to other people, i must have looked like a kooky epileptic about to have a seizure. or a grinning fanatic gripped by an ecstatic religious vision.
nuts, that's what i am.
after i finished eating, i started walking again. it had gotten dark already; it was early evening. i love walking around after it rains. there's that distinct smell that pervades the air and it always reminds me of all those rainy afternoons in my grandparents’ house in Tondo. it's a very old two-storey apartment built in the 50s. it has peeling walls, a rickety staircase and filthy rats as big as malnourished kittens with ropy tails. but dang, that house holds some of the most wonderful and unforgettable memories of my life. for my Amah, rainy afternoons meant baked goodies, since everyone would be cooped up inside with nuthin’ to do. so while the storm raged on outside, we would be all gathered in the kitchen, watching her knead dough, whip eggs and work her magic. then when everything was done, we would bring out the plates and utensils and sit down in the dining room. she would place the cake or pie or pizza or whatever culinary delight she had prepared for us on the lazy susan in a rather theatrical gesture. i would always lean forward to inhale a whiff of the tantalizing smell of freshly-made food. then i would lean back in my seat, close my eyes and smile in anticipation. there's nothing on earth that's as satisfying as simple, home-cooked meals. oh man, even when i was little, i could not resist food.
because of the rain, i was not able to meet my parents in church. instead, i proceeded to their office, which is next to my grandparents' apartment. i weaved my way through the crowd that was all around Divisoria and tiptoed through the mud that clung to my mules. oi, talk about wrong choice of shoes.
when i finally got to Tondo, i was exhausted. i felt so sweaty and sticky and my clothes clung to me. forget about the passion flower perfume that i spritzed myself with -- from the way i smelled, it was obvious that i did not spend the day in an air-conditioned environment. but the weariness the crept inside my bones was a good kind of tired. i felt marvelous. i raced up the stairs, kissed my parents' cheeks and plopped down a chair. i took a deep breath, smiled, closed my eyes and leaned back.
that was a very good afternoon to go exploring.
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