| Current mood: |  sleepy |
| Current music: | dialogue from some show on the Discovery Channel |
schweepyhead
i'm tapping at the keys with my head pillowed on my right shoulder and my legs crossed. i feel sooooo sleepy. but i don't want to sleep.
i'm so perverse.
i just polished off a glass of tongue-bursting strawberry ice cream. it clung to the spoon with such gooey richness, i could not help but relish scraping it off with my tongue. damn. that was some good ice cream.
i was reading something on the screen so i placed the glass of ice cream on my lap for a moment. then i had a vision of throwing it to the floor. the glass would shatter and amidst the blush-pink clumps of creamy pleasure, shards of spiky glass would lay hiding. i saw myself stomping my bare foot on the inviting mess, and i wondered how i would feel.
pain? stickiness? bliss?
see? perverse.
sheesh. where do i get these ideas? this is what happens when i don't have sensible, practical details to hold my attention and require my efforts. my thoughts would always stray to some surreal alternate universe of my own making. it would be all too easy for me to become a permanent resident of this constructed realm, walking around in a mist of lurid and lush imaginings.
a month ago, after going on a 30-hour writing marathon (i had to finish a final paper for my very last MA class), i had to dash off to Manila to go to work. i got into the train and sat down gratefully. i needed to anchor myself onto something solid because i felt so weak, i would not have been surprised if i fell into the rails accidentally. when the train started to move, i closed my eyes. bursts of light in iridescent hues of red, yellow, blue and green danced behind my eyelids in erratic, hypnotic motions. startled, i opened my eyes. instead of seeing normal human faces before me, distorted, monstrous countenances threatened to devour me alive. i blinked and shook my head. neon-green balls of light floated before me.
jeez. i closed my eyes again and forced myself to nap. conjuring up malevolent faces while i was awake could not be good. pushing myself to the limits is the norm for me; i wouldn't be me if i did not persistently resist being boxed in. never let the definer define you, even if the definer is yourself, i always say. but dang, this was ridiculous.
i'm really nuts. maybe i should try to get some sleep. and maybe when i wake up, i won't be preoccupied or caught up in the fragments of recollection from the adventures of my subconscious.
yeah, fat chance. i rarely DON'T dream; and i usually remember snatches of whatever haze i was in as soon as i wake up.
dagnabit, i'm seriously demented. oi.
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