uh and further more...
So im alive. I give up. Take me if you want but if not leave me the fuck alone. Ive giving up any hope that life will be worth living, i guess i was hoping for a prince, some riches, and alot of fake but i came to the conclusion a long time ago that that wasnt going to happen. So then i hoped for love, and inner peace, and hope itself. But down to the last crumb ive found none of it. I will die to become what? to become reencarnated into somthing but in the recreation on myself do i loose my opinion of everything or so i just recycle my used soul?
Ok so you can walk down the street and look at me with some expectation of nothing but i do believe. I havent lost every thing yet, i still know that some day ill be filled of love, or lust, but like i tell people. Love will always hurt in the end. You have a lifetime of love when in the end its 3 lifetimes of pain. Im the result of a torn lover, some one left behind, some one hurt in the past. When every one else decided to live with their lies i knew better, but no longer can i conclude myself. I feel like some day, some how some one will shake me with their lied love and i will fall for it, and for sure ill be left with pain...every one will. And if not in this life i wont be spaired for my next.... so thats my conclusion. Its that any way and how hurt will find you, you will have to feel the pain of being unloved forsaken and untrusted or visversa.
Anyways so, your 13 years old, your alive, with the feeling that you could be taken at anytime and enjoy the death but also with the feeling that you dont feel anything. I see people, so happy, and i see myself, so uncontent, that its unhealthy. i rest myself only to wake and find that ive become more delusionete about who i am then i was when i left, TELL ME how do i serve myself in any helpful way by doing is lieing to myself. I lie to myself to protect me from my real self. So unamplifed yet i can still hear it.