| Current mood: |  crazy |
| Current music: | linkin park - hit the floor |
Come on get happy...
I had an assignment during my freshman year that I thought was kind of interesting for right now. How would you describe yourself, in a past life? I think the focus was on past lives so everyone was asked what they were. I remember saying I think I was Jewish. I just feel that way sometimes. I don't understand why. I don't tell many people about that, and the main reason is because I'm not easily accepted after I say something like that.
Scary thing about me is, acceptance is very important to me. I need to feel a part of something. Anything. Definate downside to that don't you think? Because of it I have this incredible fear of failure and rejection. I'm starting to think maybe, that I need therapy because the average person my age doesn't talk about these things. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a goblin baby (common term for babies born around halloween). I guess being born around a time that was supposed to be when ghosts and ghouls had "parties" made me think more. Maybe I came out of my mother with glasses and a clipboard cooing to the doctor that I wanted to know his credentials before I'd let him slap my ass.
I'm a walking contradiction. One thing I remember was always being on my own. I am quite content sitting by myself, listening to my disc man and writing countless poems about things I don't have...yet, I want to be accepted. How is someone who never gets off their ass accepted? I stumble through meeting people. It's terrible.
I usually get this nervous laughter or I start rambling about something incredibly stupid. Then there's my singing habit. I tend to start singing alot for no reason. *Laughs* I just like music alright is that so wrong? I wanna be the first person with a cd with all types of songs on it. All done by me, different languages and style. I want something sounding like Linkin Park to go into something sounding like Faith Hill...know what I mean?
I have to call my mother now. I suddenly feel the need to speak with her you know? Situations make me realize how special she is to me.
You know, maybe I should start writing a book. Make the main topic, who am I now and who will I be...in a past life. Who will you be?
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