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Mandah Rose (callmelucie_fir) wrote,
@ 2004-03-22 02:28:00
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    My Song
    last minute decision
    It's better for me to spill when you're not here. Which you're not anymore.
    But um...
    I dunno... it's like this... I was going to say that I'm sorry.... you know I'm not usually like that.
    But ok, you know what? Every guy that............ I care for or whatever... has ignored me or abandoned me or just isn't interested... so when you weren't talking... I figured you were doing the same thing to me.
    slurpee@sbcglobal.net: There's so much more to what I'm trying to explain but I know you don't care, but I'm just... sorry. You mean more to me than just.. a cyber get-off buddy, and I feel like I'm not getting the same from you but that's okay I suppose because long distance things are..................
    Anyway...
    Heh... you know what? I'm just tired. I'm tired of getting up extra early, trying to look my best with hope in the back of my mind that somebody will notice and say something. I'm doing this for nothing. I hate it. I hate rejection. I almost hate myself for looking the way I do... having the personality I have. They're useless... they don't match each other. I'm ugly and I've gotta face that. But then I look at girls that don't look that great and I'm like..."Why can't I have the guys like they do?"
    Let me sum this up: I'm hurting, and I didn't mean to take it out on you.
    But I did, and I'm sorry.
    And if you've read everything, I thank you.


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