| Current mood: | depressed to optimistic |
| Current music: | yellowcard~ rough draft |
just make it stop
as if i needed anything else to deal with...im truly at my wits end; just make it stop, make it all go away; let me escape my misery...
damn my bad luck; it even took away one of the only things that made me happy this month...it took away jason; i just got a message from him saying how much fun he had hanging out but he that all he wanted was to be friends; his message sounded more like a final good bye than a message; so what does all this mean? it means i did it again; thats right quyen has once again scared off another perfectly wonderful person; i didnt intend on trying to date him or anything like that- i just thought that the option was there but i was so very wrong; mabey shoe was right when he said i expected too much out of myself and the other person involved when it just begins; mabey i should learn how to relax and take it slow....whatever the cause it doesnt change that jason isnt the slightest bit interested in me as a friend or as anything else; and it would be so easy to try and blame his feelings on him but thats not what i really feel; i think hes incredible and i believe i just wasnt the right one; i believe this now...i think i get too involved too quickly; i finally stopped crying; i just reread all our ims and you know what, im beginning to feel a bit better; i might not have jason but i do still have all the late nights we shared together; im greatful we met cause he was there for me when i needed him to help me get through this whole confusion with school; he changed me and touched my soul when i needed it most and for that he'll always mean something to me; i shouldnt be so crushed that hes not as interested in me; afterall, its all a part of growing up; so i firmly stand by the statement that im being tested/challenged this month in every possible way and im dealing with things a lot better; and ill make it through cause thats the way its supposed to end up; i think i overreacted about his message; so what if its another person who slipped away; just means that it wasnt the right person for me; i took a risk and although it didnt work out the way i wished it could have, i still benefitted from it;sometimes you get happy endings and most often you dont but either way doesnt mean the experience is a total lost; im beginning to feel a bit more optimistic...
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