|Current mood:|| crushed|
Everyone has a dream. Something they have always wanted to be, or always wanted to do. When i was younger, i use to never let things stop me... i truely didnt care what other people thought. I was an individual and made fun off because of it. If you were to ask me what i wanted to be back then i would have easily, with no thought about it say that i wanted to be a singer. I use to get into any play that i could be in. I was in chorus, anything to get me to that dream. I remember being in a christmas play, and we did a play on Aladin... and i remember one chorus concert. I didnt care if i sounded like crap, i would always try out for the lead part... i would give it my all and sing as loud as i could... which wasnt good lol. i got made fun off, and people would laugh, but i never gave up. Then the laughes started to eat me whole. every joke ripped something away from me. I lived in a small town, and i was the one who every one made fun off. I could handle it for a while, but then it just became to much to handle. I had to give a presentation about sewing... and i remember being up infront of everyone, and trying to sew, but i got so nervouse that i was shaking and i couldnt talk... the teacher even had to ask if i was ok. that was the begining of the end. the first time i cared about what people thought. after that i didnt join in on plays, and i never tried out for the solos. Now a days i dont even sing... i wont let anyone hear. yeah i might sing here and there, but it isnt my all... ya know. but i still have that dream. that some day i will be up singing and i will be able to quiet the whole croud. that for once something about me would be beautiful and amazing. hell when im in my room i still sing the song from Aladin, when they go on the "magic carpet ride". That was the last song that i sang to where i gave it my all. The curtain was closed, and we where getting everything ready for the next sean. there were kids outside who where doing the singing... so i stopped what i was doing, and i just stood there and sang... after a bit another guy came and sang with me... so i was singing the parts when jasmin would sing, and he took over the aladin parts. that was the best feeling... though no one could see me. it was also my last. after that all i did was somewhat sing with the group for corus... a lot of times i would lip it... no one knew.
i wrote about this because i just saw that part in A walk to remember, where she sings and everyone just stops and looks at her with amazment, and the guy right then falls for her.... that was my dream... the only differ is, she is actually pritty and yeah... Thats what i wanted to do... just once have people go wow, to feel beautiful.
i love to sing... i just cant do it anymore...