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Before you read this, go here: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm?instanceid=59124 Look familiar? Yeah, I thought so! The undying hoardes are assaulting our very homes with gas to make us more docile for the upcoming harvest! Happy gas! I've gotten a lot of flack for this, and for bringing it up today in class while discussing aggregate statistics and their relationship to poulation centers, but it has to be true! Worse, it now appears that a cloning laboratory has been discovered near Tikrit and that they've been experimenting with reptilian and bird DNA to recreate the dinosaur so as to give the Iraqi army an edge against American troops. I actually understand that there's something even more sinister at work here, but I don't dare warn Mr. Harris. I don't want him to risk anything unless I'm aboslutely certain of the danger. I suspect that the "happy gas" and the dinosaur breeding is related. In truth, a powerful demon known as the "Sleeper in Coils" that has all this reptilian motif going on might be involved. I heard about him in Mr. Harris' Unspeakable Cults book (I hope he doesn't find out I've been reading it). The happy gas is to lull us into a calm state while his vampire servitors gather a blood harvest to begin acquiring enough samples of human DNA to assimilate with the already created dinosaur creatures being bred in Iraq to create a horrible dinosaur-humanoid hybrid fanatically loyal to the Sleeper. It's possible that using magic to accelerate and supplement the DNA splicing could allow a super serum to be developed that the vampires can use to transform housewives, kindergartners, and hobos into slavering, foam and pus-dripping horrors that eat the flesh of the living to satisfy their unnatural reptilian appetites! Perhaps I should warn Mitran! Oh, and BTW, the TWITCH-100 OS needs an MRI. I'll take care of that when I go to the doctor in two weeks. Mom's worried that I might be "getting up to trouble" again. Addendum:: Since I last made this post, I discovered this: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm?instanceid=58975 That's right! A zombie hoard being assembled by voodoo houngans for terrorist cells! There's any of a thousand ways that they could make their way here! They could be on rafts, or in trucks, or, and this is the scariest thing: they could walk on the bottom of the ocean! They don't need to breathe! Flesh dripping newly risen horrors from beyond the grave are seeking the end of every man, woman and child in the United States! I've clipped the article and I'm bringing it to Mr. Harris. I hope he can do something about this, possibly recommend an anti-zombie field generator or a counter-ritual to break the terrorists' control over their 1200 strong zombie hoard. Oh, and keep checking the hot sheets. You never know what madness lurks in the corners of the world. Post a comment in response: |
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