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It's true!!! I saw it! vampires! And where there are vampires, there are certain to be other extradimensional intrusions! Wow. What to say? Well, after numerous experiments involving funyums and diet coke, I have come to the conclusion that Coke is indeed an evil corporation bent on the corruption of all mankind through a clever marketing campaign. On to more important stuff, tho. Last night, it happened. I've waited my whole life for proof, and it nearly ate me alive. You see, I learned long ago from the Great One himself, the head Zombie Hunter of the Tokyo Police Cataclysm Division, that the Undead have no taste. Therefore, when I found a creepy professor guy carrying an axe in the middle of the night wearing loud clothing. Unfortunately, I hadn't been observing him for very long, so I seem to have drawn some eroneous conclusions, even tho he does work in the creepy Morrow Library.ANywho, when I arrived on Campus last nite for my usual hunt, armed with my Anti-Zombie Spray and crossbow (I still can't afford that shotgun like the old black d00d had in Nite of teh Living Dead. That d00d rulez!), I noticed that the creepy old d00d wasn't there. I figured he was probably out at a graveyard looking for spare parts for his army of teh night. So I ran to the biggest, creepiest graveyard I could find and there was this creepy black hummer, trimmed in silver (Dracula colors!). I creeped my way in, looking for a zombie overlord and his evil minion chicks. While I was sneaking around, this crazy d00d with this hand cannon makes some noise so I hose him down with anti-zombie spray. He's a little weirded out but he's not a zombie cuz the spray didn't disrupt his connection to his interdimensional energy source that powers his soulless mockery of life. However, he almost put a hole thru me with his hand cannon. He wanted me to pay for his shirt, but if mom ever found out I mistook this guy for a zombie, she'd have my head, so I thought of a lie. I told him my name was the same as the creepy librarian. Then the creepy librarian heard me say his name and chirped up. I was a little startled, so I turned around and pumped him full of anti-zombie juice. He wasn't bothered by it, so I guess he wasn't a zombie. but this chick he was running with grabbed my throat and almost killed me. THe creepy librarian called her off and didn't say what they were doing in the cemetary. At least to my satisfaction. Anyone that runs around inthe cemetary at this time of night is up to no good, not with zombies, and vampires, and what have you running around. So I told him he and his friends should get home because there's dangerous stuff out there. THen these guyz burst from the ground. I thought they were zombies at first. After all, this is a graveyard and everyone knows vampires hang out at Calamity Cafe where they moan about the damned state of their lives. But these guys were gunning for us. THey mostly ignored me until I tried to shoot them with anti-zombie juice. I missed and I also emptied the spraygun. I managed to avoid getting eaten long enough to load a crossbow. Course, while I was loading it, another tough chick comes bursting in and attacks the bloodsuckers. I manage to nail one in the brainpan, but since it wasn't a zombie, it wasn't stopped. But the chick that grabbed me around the throat nailed it with her bow and it turned into dust. After that, we piled into her hummer and headed down to IHOP, where I had some french toast and met one of those weird cat people from SLeepwalkers. I knew he was one of them, cause he was trying to seduce the tough chick that took grave rubbings by asking her if she used stick or powder, just like in that movie. I know he wants to steal our breath. TOday, I'm going to visit the librarian and ask if he has any books on shapeshifting breath-stealing cat demons. And I'll ask if he'll help me kill the zombies hanging out at Impulse. I know they're zombies. That awful smell, the blank look in their eyes, and the bad taste in clothing. Zombie. Certain of it. OKay, and today's Zombie Hunting Tip: A variety of crossbow bolt is used for softening redwoods in preparation for cutting. THis type of bolt explodes on impact. Use the diagram on the following page to attempt to manufacture your own version of these bad boys. Oh, and happy hunting! LINK DELETED DUE TO SENSITIVE CONTENT Post a comment in response: |
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