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Chris Kirkpatrick (c__kirkpatrick) wrote,
@ 2003-03-05 06:12:00
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    Current mood: lonely
    Current music:al green - tired of being alone

    sometimes it feels like the worlds on my shoulders....
    *stares blankly at the ceiling of his bedroom, the light from the tv blending with the light leaking through the curtians as the sun comes up, every blink of his eye making him flench, sore from yet another insomnia-induced night of staring at the tv*

    *reaches over, fumbling for the remote control, turning the tv off**sighs, getting up and pulling the curtians back, wincing at the bright yellowish light of the sun comming up over the trees*

    ....you carry something around within you for years.

    Many many years.

    You ache, everyday you look at this person. Your heart screams, cries, twists, begs, pleads....

    if it HAD hands and knees, it would be on them. begging. "fucking kill me or let me say it goddammit"

    but you cant. it would change everything. everything....could put things at stake...at least that was your excuse when he was just too young....too young to even look at like that...

    *bitterly laughs, resting his forehead aginst the window**sighs slowly*....i cant really say that anymore can i..

    problem is...

    i still cant tell him.

    *shrugs*....why the hell cant i just find a nice girl and settle with her?

    you know, have the 2 kids and a dog, a white picked fence....

    *licks his dry lips, sighing*...because i love someone else.

    *Shrugs* and my family would never allow it....dont think he would allow it....

    im totally on my own here....flying by the seat of my pants. my heart gets colder, my head feels just a bit heavier and riddled with cobwebs....my form of 'therapy' has been liquid and bitter tasting, making my throat sting far too much for my liking...

    fuck im so tired of living this way...*sits on the edge of his bed, looking down at his feet sinking into the carpet*....

    im so tired of being alone...

    *gets up abruptly, walking into the bathroom, flipping on the light, staring at his reflection in the mirror with a heavy sigh*...time to put on the happy mask for the day.



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