| Current mood: |  aggravated |
| Current music: | Anti-Flag. |
the only thing i wanna be is *with you*
ok..ive tried to update this three fucking times..and it didn't save anytime..im alittle pissed right now..my weekend was alright. Friday, me and Em went to Westville and hung out with the cool kiddies..Samee Kristin Kathryn and Katie.. and Me and Em were harrassed by some ugly freaky guy that told us " im not playing with myself, im just fixing the weed in my boxers" hah yeaaaaaaaa. well i slept over Em's and we ate massive amounts of yummy just baked cookies..mMMMMm, and i made her another new journal. She's a pain in my ass, but i love her!. i came home on Saturday around 2 and had to go to home depot to get stuff for my room, and food shopping joy. i was bringing the food in the house and i fell down the icey steps right on my ass..so far i've down that twice this weekend. Today Em woke me up at 11:30 and we went to the mall at 12. I got a new jacket and she got vans. We have to go sometime this weekend and get eachother Christmas presents.. ok im done talking about my SHITTY weekend. how about i talk about whats on my mind..
WHY DO PEOPLE STEREO TYPE ME? i fucking hate it. They all think im just a stupid whore that they can play with, but there wrong. They don't fucking own me, and they don't fucking know whats going on in my head. In fact, If they did, they'd probally have a completely different perspective on me and my life. None of you know shit about me. Even those i call "friends", damn even "best friends" don't really know me. Think about it. Do you know how it really feels to not be wanted. by anyone, not just one person. Not by your parents, or friends, or guys. NO ONE. Do you know how it feels to be told that it was a mistake to have you? I do. My parents fucking told me that "it was a MISTAKE to have a second child." " I've known we were going to have problems with you ever since you ran around singing DO YOU WANNA DIE".. these are direct quotes of what i've ben told. It fucking hurts. Do you know how it feels to want to fucking die. Not the omg your not buying me this shirt, so im gonna slit my wrist dieing. Have you ever sat in your room and histerically cried not being able to stop shaking, and realized you had a problem? i didn't think so. Im not saying my life is sooooo extremely horrible because i know that there are alot of people that have it alot worse than me, but i don't know any. People i know, maybe even people like you, don't know shit about pain and hurt, or love. I've felt it all. I really don't feel the need to share these feelings with you, but if you choose to read this, maybe you will understand me alittle better. I know about two people that understand me pretty well, but the rest of you just pretend. YOUR FAKE. Your pretend to know what im talking about, and how i feel, but you have no fucking idea. You say things like "I used to cut myself", "I've tried to comitted suicide" Hasn't anyone realized i HATE fake people? Half of you have never seen the real side of me. And the other half that has, still hasn't. Hopefully you NEVER will. I write all of this to try to make myself feel better. I admit i used to make myself feel better by cutting and hurting myself. I don't need to do that anymore. I still have many problems in my fucked up life, but i was just causing more when i did that. Most of you that read my journal probally already gave up reading this, but if you've got this far give me something to do since i've giving you something to do. Paste a comment. Goodbye.
i want a lover i DON"T have to love.
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