|Current mood:|| nerdy|
|Current music:||From Cailifornia, The New Amsterdams|
The end of the cycle is closing in, with you i see new i begin again.
Ah. Oh jeez. What an intense day, eh? So yeah. blah. stayed home today...too emo to go to school. haha i suck. didnt really do anything. sat around. gosh. sigh. im a deep thinker, eh? ive been really thinking about alex a lot, then nick. but different. sigh. i talked with alex online today, gosh it was so intense. i was seriously going to cry. but not cry in a bad way. sigh blah. then dad came home. he yelled at me a lot, a lot, a lot. loudly and he was angry for no reason. he got right up in my face and stuff. and of course...then i cried. and once i start....all the emotions just run with it. he finally left to walk the dog. i went upstairs, opened my window and got onto my roof. went to a not so steep part and cried. got into an oh so emo position. and cried. like- knees tucked into chest, head bowed down, and arms around knees...holding myself tight. all these thoughts running through my head. like, " wtf is wrong with me that dad always has to yell at me", "why do my parents hate so much", " why doesnt nick tell me he loves me", "why do i have all these feelings, and want Alex so bad and just hold him and kiss him so bad". shit dudes, why do i always have to be thinking? damn. i wonder if alex really does think im pretty. no, not pretty. beautiful. i wonder if hes thinking about me in the same way im thinking about him. gosh. i just get this feeling all over my body. sigh. like that feeling when you wake up on a summer morning and it all just seems so right. or that feeling right after sex. sigh. thats what i feel when i think about him. gosh, he probably thinks im scary. he never seems to enjoy talking to me, as much and i enjoy talking to him. i wonder if he thinks about me as much as i think about him?. sigh. i want someone to think about me just as much or more than the amount i think of them. sigh. commment please.
i do love nick
i do have feelings for alex
and no ones got shit for me.