| Current mood: |  complacent |
| Current music: | Lost Prophets - Ode To Summer |
So everyone is talking about how they want a daughter....I want one too yo.Im serious too. Like, Ive been taking a lot of time out to look at my family, and my life, and hows things are going...its fucking amazing. I never thought , well before the time I was pregnant with Nathan, before that, I never once thought that Id be a mother to a beautiful son. And married to someone who I would easily give my life for.
Last night I just sat there watching Nathan sleeping, and walking around the house and I think its just now starting to actually hit me, of how lucky I am. If it wasnt for Benji, I dont think that I would be anything like I am today. And I mean that in the best way. If it werent for him...I think that I would honestly either be dead, or just another fucking junkie ex-wife. He has honestly saved my life. When all this shit was going down with me and Tim, and Justin...he was always there to pick my ass back up. Come knocking on my door at 3 AM with a carton of ice cream yelling "Open up babygirl!". Just seeing him smile and open up his arms to me, was like heaven. I can always go up to him and climb in his arms, curl up close to him, and when hes holding me, I feel like nothing in the world or beyond could hurt me. I just feel so safe with him. Hes my world, my heart body and soul. Id be lost without him.
I dont think any of you people can even begin to understand how thankful I am for him. How many other guys do you know that would come and take care of you and tret your child as if it were his own? From the first time I saw Benj after I told him that I was pregnant with Nathan, he just took charge and said he wanted to be the father of the child. Who the fuck else would do a thing like that?? So then I stuck with him, I let him help, and look where I end up today. I remember going to france to see him. And just falling asleep in his arms that one night, was just amazing. Im perfectly happy just being anywhere with him. Even if hes all the way across the room, no matter where he is, he always makes me smile. Ive never been like that. Only with him.
Sure, we have our ups and downs, but we always pull through. And dealing with the shit that we have gone through already, I know we can make it through everything. And Im looking forward to every single second of it. Im looking forward to the smiles, the crying, the yelling, the making up, raising our children, getting old together, And still having sex to NOFX....sorry had to throw that in there. But I love him so incredibly much. I hope realizes this. And yeah...Im gunna go because I feel like Im getting repetitive. So whatever,
Peace.
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