| Current mood: |  okay |
| Current music: | Coheed and Cambria/A Favor House Atlantic |
Today was a horrible day. I don't know how I manage to hold my ground under the watch of John(my boss). He thinks that he is above us all, and not just as a boss. He doesn't really know any of us yet he seems to have us all down in his mind as idiots. He's a perfectionist who says one thing and means another. He gives instructions and when you follow them he will turn around and yell at you for not doing it another way. Luckily Loye is coming back on Monday to take back her position as supervisor. Then I can go about my business without worrying about John looking over my shoulder. I certainly don't get paid enough to let a rude, opinionated man call me a fucking idiot. *shrugs* hopefully soon I will have managed to find myself a better job more suited to me as a person. But until then I dread every day of work when I know he's going to be in the office. That's not the way you should live your life. You should wake up in the morning and think "wow, I wonder what great things are going to happen to me today" well, ideally that is what you should think. But no.....first thing on my mind in the morning beside "is mike going to call today" is "geezus, nine and a half more hours till I can come home again" now....in my memories from days when I was depressed...(I mean serious depression when I would just sleep all day and night and didn't have any ambitions other than to make it through my waking hours without breaking down) I thought like that. "when can I get back in bed and just forget for a while" and I really just DO NOT want to go back there. So I think for my health and well being another job is seriously needed. Any ways it wasn't a good day. But.....my birthday is on Sunday! The big 21. how about that? I still feel like I'm a teenybopper dressing up as an adult sometimes. But sometimes I feel too much like an adult. So I'm trying for that in between area where you maintain a youthful outlook but the maturity to go along with it. Which is hard to do when you've got my habit of being absent minded and forgetful. *shrugs* I've kind of calmed down about the whole Mike issue. It was just PMS I'm sure. But I wish he would just call. Even if its for two minutes. If he doesn't call on my birthday ill be very sad. Not that I deserve a call on my birthday. After all did I call on his? No.....But I've determined that I wont let something like that happen again. I know what I want and I wont let it go because of mistakes I make. I call now. Every day sometimes. Other times its every other day. And if he calls he calls. If not.......no biggie he's got a life. I have a life(sort of). And if its meant to work out it will. Hopefully it does, because I love him so much it hurts sometimes. My cat is being crazy weird again. She used my dirty laundry as a litter box today. I got home and went into my room and I noticed this funny smell. I was like I just cleaned, what the crap is that.........and while I was putting clothes in the washer at my dads a big ole' pile of poop fell out......it was like she dug around and shat in the middle of the pile and then covered it back up......my friend Tricia often wonders what cats would do while you're gone if they had opposable thumbs.......that is what they would do....only they don't need thumbs they can do horrible things without them. I need to get a computer and Internet soon. I cant just go days without writing in here because I have to drive somewhere else to do it. Maybe for my birthday if I get enough money ill get a used laptop or something. *shrugs* I am going to go to walmart in a few minutes to get a few things. A journal is one of them. I need one to write my quotes/poems/random thoughts in. A scrabbly notebook with the cover falling off wont do. so as soon as my clothes get out of the dryer off I go. And then home. To my crazy cat and a hot shower and maybe a call from mike if things are to end on a happy note. Maybe ill pick up a good book while I'm at walmart. Who knows.....sox definitely.....I think my closet has been eating mine...........Have you ever heard music so beautiful it all but stops your heart? I love that feeling. I love it when I get the same reaction towards a book. I'm such an odd soul................................As a cloud curves in heaven, so curves the shape of my soul.......................(see what I mean about the random blurbs I end up with?) Maybe ill publish someday. something to think about.
and now I'm going...... Lots of love
(Read comments)
|
