| Current mood: |  lonely |
On this, the third day of March, Kevin Brigham McCarthy
...is not feeling well. He thinks it might be his arthritis acting up. Or that ulcer again. Or that he has not been taking his medication. Or that he is so very lonely.
...slept 7 hours, waking up too late to take the Angel's twin to Budapest for his chemo, so now he feels rotten about it.
...spent 35 minutes in the bathroom pretending to be shaving and crying like a baby, thinking of his sweetheart. Thinking of how he might lose the man he loves the most because he might not remember Kevin Brigham McCarthy.
...was online chatting with Brandon and Brandon said what is in the previous entry and it made Kevin Brigham McCarthy think. It made him think of the eternal nature of the Universe. Of the God he does not believe in. It made him think that no matter what happened he was still connected to the man he loved the most. There was a part of him in his sweetheart and a part of his angel in him. And it made him calm.
...was online chatting with Rob and finding out about fatherhood.
...is at work and has nothing to do.
...is very very lonely and wants to hug someone....
...is crying once again, thinking of how much pain his little angel had to endure. He is reading about hospice and pain management and does not understand why his little man had to go through all the pain he has been experiencing. He is now mad at doctors and angry with himself for not knowing earlier how to help.
Derek, my sweet prince, I miss you so bad. Please know that I love you.
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