| Current mood: |  depressed |
Ready for the Sun
The last few days the Angel kept me in limbo. He was fighting with his own feelings, trying to determine what it really was that he was feeling towards me. Gratitude? Love? Friendship? That, and the stress of my son's unexpected appearance in our lives have made me tired... my arthritis acting up, not liking the cold rainy weather... damn, I feel like a bastard going away now... only if for a few days... BUT I really need a break.. I need to recharge those batteries, and now, having this infection I cannot even visit the Angel.
Yesterday the Angels was online for a while, bringing happiness to certain people. But it also brought me heartache as he was telling me about his emotional struggle. He also told me about how he was feeling, and how he was uncertain about everything in his life right now. If it wasn't for his friend Chris probably we would have both concluded that we could not handle it. I must have sounded very depressed as Chris asked me, "Are you drinking again?" My answer was an honest, "Yes, water and juice." Ha-ha-ha, funny....NOT!
Anyway, i spentt he night tossing and turning, getting ready to leave, getting ready to get the courage to leave for a few days. i checked my weight a few times (re: "You are fat, ugly and old.") and realized I have lost more than enough weight in the last few weeks. So I am done with the fat part, I cannot do much about old and ugly. Just staying that way.
I am so ready to leave England that I cannot find the words to describe it. I will be back in a few days.... But I have to go....
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