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i tried to do a free write. i thought that since i'm so lost right now just not thinking as i wrote would help. but nothing came out. no subconscious thoughts. no anger. just nothing. i feel so empty. i hate not doing anything with my time. i'd rather be working my ass off at banana or at school than just sitting at home. reading doesn't distract me anymore. neither does packing. i finally really understand that garden state quote. i'm not just trying to be emo about it. You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone... You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. i should feel home here still. but i don't. i just don't feel any connection at all. i love some of my friends from here, but let's face it, most of my real friends were from nfty. i can be friends with anyone from any distance. maybe that's why leaving here doesn't scare me. if any of these friendships are real, then they won't end. my mom and i fight too much. shit with my dad is coming back and i honestly have never felt so at a loss as to what i should do. fuck it. less than two weeks. Post a comment in response: |
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