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kAt (break_this) wrote,
@ 2007-09-13 11:07:00
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    Current music:deathcab for cutie - sarah said

    my grandpa
    I flew over seas last week to attend my grandfathers funeral.
    I didn't realise how hard it was going to be.
    I put my family first and i put all my needs on hold.
    I know it was only for a week but leaving rah made me feel so alone.

    The hardest part was seeing all the family i hadn't seen in so long.
    It was bitter sweet.
    Being able to speak to them and spend time with them but under the circumstances it just made it seem so unfair. I love my family. And I have missed them so unbelievably much.
    Distance has always been the most difficult thing for me to deal with. Every time I see them it's the happiest time in my life.. but the moment i have to leave them and fly home again my heart feels like it is being ripped into a million pieces. i cried the entire flight home.

    Even though i was only there a week, it was like i hadn't missed a day with them. They always make me feel so at home and loved. So welcome and appreciated.

    My emotions have just been messed around so much over the past 3wks.
    I have seen my family cry, breakdown, collapse and fight due to their grief.
    I have seen them at their very worst.
    And now we are at war over who gets what because my grandfather failed to do so in his will.
    It hurts very much.

    Now I am back home in Melbourne.
    Reality has decided to screw me over & my school mates have excluded me and have forced me to do assignments that were group based on my own.
    what a real kick in the face.
    my grandfather passes away, my family is at war with each other, i have to go overseas to be there for them and i return to have ppl i trusted looking out for themselves. ever heard of a fuking extension??? well obviously not. I dont care. I just know i cant trust them.

    If I didnt have rah I would really have nothing. She makes me so unbelievably happy and just gets me.
    I feel like im not even here. I'm still shaken up over everything that is going on.
    But I am here and I dont know where.

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