|Current mood:|| confused|
i went to a feis yesterday.....won 1st in treble, 2nd in slip and i never ever place in reel so why do i compete in it anyway??!.....yay im a novice in treble next year! travis came with me and mom and he got me a necklace with a dragon on it and he's so nice!!! i didnt find a claddagh ring good enough for michelle so she's prolly gettin impatient. afterwards everyone went to carl's and melissa's and me and travis separated ourselves from eachother alot for various reasons. we always do that but i love him. and carl melissa dad samantha and me on travis's lap were in the kitchen talking and he said he killed 3 ducks while hunting and i said YOU DIDNT! and got off his lap and he tried holding me down and i went outside in the damp in my feis socks and waited until he said he will never kill a duck again and i was sad. but only for a few minutes. we took him home at about 10:30 and this time we only took 2 minutes "saying" goodnight. hehe. he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..he says he hopes our relationship lasts forever.....when he said that the first time, i didnt say anything and just kissed him lightly cuz.....i dont think we'll last forever......and i dont want to. but i cant tell him that. EVER. he said he would even sacrifice the marines to follow me to europe and stay there with me FOREVER. i told him no...you're going to be a marine... and he said id rather be with you... and how am i supposed to tell him that i dont WANT him to follow me to europe or be with me forever??? he knows i dont want to get married or have kids during this lifetime but he tells me im everything he's been dreaming of for 15 and a half years. i cant break his heart. why do i tell him i love him more than he loves me???!?!?!??!?!! sometimes i just want to be alone and single and never interact with a human of the male species again.