| Current mood: |  determined |
| Current music: | "White Flag" -- Dido |
Journals.
Journals. These are places where I bear my soul. . .and I think it's obvious what I want. . .but part of me, part of me isn't ready to accept that. . part of me just won't settle down. Part of me wishes I was pregnant with his baby ruining our lives because that would kill the part of me that can't settle down. Well, damn you, slutbag part, you will not win. I love him, and that is that. I said forever and I meant it, and there is no going back. I think I know what I want. . . I just. . . don't know how to get it. I know, I know. Me? Not know how to get what I want. . . I always get what I want, right? Maybe not this time. . maybe I'm actually scared of getting what I want. . . but I'm even more frightened of getting what I deserve. . because I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anything. Please, God, if there is one, for one last time, don't give me what I deserve.
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