|Current mood:|| drained|
|Current music:||the hum of my refridgerator|
So...I don't know. I don't know if I'm unsure because I just am, or because of him. Him. He, is so unimportant, so low, so obsessed, so pathetic, so sweet, head-over-heels,
cute, annoying, persistant, nosey, "i think i'm right all the time" kind of person. Daniel, of course. It was odd today....he was okay. Then I guess he saw me and wasn't. He got sad, really sad, and everyone could tell. It was like a thunderstorm had attacked the black eyed pea. He was just dead. Sitting there with his face in his hands watching me flirt, have fun, be happy.....and knowing that he was not the cause of it, never would be, and therefor had no reason to be happy himself. Everyone tried to cheer him up, make him smile..even I did. He was low. I left that afternoon, said goodbye to him and I KNEW he would follow me to my car. And he did. Are you mad at me? he asked. No, are you mad at me? I responded with lies in my voice. I wasn't mad at him, I was sick of him. I didn't want to talk to him yet I wanted to grab him and kiss him, hold him, let him hold me. I guess thats normal. I guess you want exactly what you know you can't have. I told him to cheer up, be happy, he said he had no reason to be happy. it killed me. I cried, he cried too. He had been crying all day, I could tell....red swollen eyes. It killed me. I left depressed, exhausted, tired, sick of caring. I'm tempted to go get a tatoo to get my mind off all of this. The chinese symbol for independant maybe, I feel as though I'm obsessed with chinese symbols for some odd reason.
To lighten up the post....*smiles* Gary *smiles* He's my new main man. He's cute, we like eachother and I hope I hope I hope he will call me. He used to call me, I didn't know him....didn't really want to know him...so I never picked up. He stopped calling. now he works with me, I GOT to know him, and like him. He still likes me too. Today he came and sat next to me. Right next to me. Our bodies were completely touching, it was euphoric. and he moved his leg to touch mine a bit more, it was like this silent flirtation thing....something the girl sitting across from us would never know. Just us. It was nice, and he is fun, and I want to make out with him for long time. :D