|Current mood:|| numb|
|Current music:||Addison Road - Seek|
i'm sorry i can't be perfect.
Well, exams are just around the corner and i think i am going to have a nervous breakdown. But that's okay. Today Zachary said something really nice. He told me that when i'm depressed so is he. And i think he was kidding, but it was really, really nice. Everything is just ripping me apart. My grades are not doing to well, my love life is non-existant (partially my fault because i won't date people over 18), and i just feel like crap all the time. Katie gives me rides home after school, and she had soccer practice today. So i went out there and sat and watched and just wanted to cry. i miss soccer, and tennis, and dance, and just everything. i miss playing sports. i want to so bad, but Jenny came over and asked me why i didn't try out (JV Coach) and i told her it's because i didn't think i would have made it. And i prolly wouldn't have...but i just want to be good at something. Maybe that is what bothers me more than anything. i don't feel like i have any talent. i don't play any instruments anymore, i don't make great grades, i don't play sports, half of my "friends" don't even really like me, and my own "mother" hates me. Oh well. i put my smile on, and go about things the way they are, and just keep going and pretend like every moment, every comment, every laugh, every insult isn't killing me inside.
i close my eyes, and whisper,
seek and you will find.