|Current mood:|| grateful|
|Current music:||hmm... Rest in Pieces - Saliva|
Well I've felt like shit. Yep not unusual for me. I broke up with chris and I think it backfired in my face by him going out with the one person I hate more than anyone on HHS. I may be leaving HHS (for reasons not involving him or the girl, I don't really have a good reason but meh) but I'm sure Hiro and Makenshi wont let me. I could leave, and then Leo or Kit, or even both could take my spot as admin. That's the day when HHS goes to hell.. and if I'm still on there to see their names in red I wont be there much longer. Ugh... On a happy note Ash is sleeping over for 4 days XD I can't wait to see her. Hopefully she wont be mad at me again like last time. On another happy note I got to talk to shane last night! (2am this morning actually but whos keeping track) gosh he's so awesome. I've found I can talk to him about anything and he'll listen. He told me this whole Chris thing will be okay and why would I believe Melissa (the girl he's going out with) if I hate her. The other day we were talking about marriage. Yes we talk about anything and everything and that came up. He said he loves me enough to be thinking about marriage. He wants the whole, nice house, nice wife, 2.5 kids and stuff. I dunno about the kids part but I could do that. We talk about him coming here next year for my birthday. Let's just hope he can get his ass here. I told him I'm gonna make him sit down with me or me and ash to watch moulin rouge (sp?) and he said okay. I just... I really love him. And I'm really happy for once despite everything that may be going on. Chris can get his heart broken by Melissa if he wants. As long as I know my heart wont be getting broken anymore. Shane said always to me. Not like I'll love you always but we were talking about how I hate hurting and breaking up with guys and he said "well good thing you'll never have to do that again. We're always gonna be together" or something along those lines.
How do you know you're in love? Is it when your heart skips a beat when you hear their voice? How you can talk to them about anything? How, even if they piss you off severly, you laugh with them and can't exactly get angry? When you get butterflies in your stomach and it goes into a knot when they say they love you? Is it how you can let them see the whole you, and not just the nice person but the angry and the sad, the depressed and the hyper? When even in the hardest time, you can talk to them and for that brief moment as your talking to them (or hours) you're happy and care free despite what's going on in the rest of your life? When you can talk about marriage like it would happen real soon, and you both can't wait for it to happen?
I feel all of this, and I've never felt it for anyone before. If this isn't love, then I don't know what else is. Every relationship before this must have been practice, to leave me broken and Shane was the only one to have the right tools to fix me. I believe in soulmates now because of him, and I believe he's it...