|Current mood:|| uncomfortable|
|Current music:||kiss the rain|
I walked passed your house tonight. No light was on for me.
I think you're away or something.
I hope not.
I want to see you at the pool on saturday.
I dont see you anymore and I thought that was a good thing, but it completely back fired on me.
It just makes me miss you.
It just makes me weak.
It just makes me love you more.
Things aren't supposed to be this way. You went and ruined everything.
I should have been the one to dump you.
You were a jerk.
I through you the rope.
You asked me out, you took me on as your responsibilty.
If anything, I should have been the one to tell you I no longer wanted to be your responsibilty.
You yanked the rope out of my hands.
You took the ladder from beneath me.
And I fell, hoping, wishing, dreaming,
tricking myself into thinking you'd catch me.
You just let me crash and break.
Deep down, I know I will move on someday. I know I'm not broken forever, although it seems like it. I know it is better to have loved and lossed then to never have loved at all. I'm glad I love you. Sometimes I wish I didn't, so it wouldnt hurt, but it'll all be worth it someday. When I can look back and smile.
But for right now, my heart doesn't want to move on. It adores you. I know I should move on, its hopeless, but something in me won't. It keeps telling me to wait for you. It keeps telling me that you're going to need me soon. It keeps telling me that this will all work itself out.
My dreams tell me the same thing. And I hope it's true. I really do. Right now I don't even want your affection, I just want your friendship. I really really really miss being your friend. Honestly. The passed 4 years of my life have been some of the best because of you. Infact, the 10 months we were together were the most fun and happiest, EVER. I just miss that feeling of having something to fall back on. I miss having you to talk to walking home. I miss having someone to complain with and play james bond with. I miss having someone to tell all my guy secrets to. I miss having so body want to help me.
I miss Nick. If you ever, ever ever see him around, tell him I love him. Tell him he is the greatest guy in the entire world--universe. Tell him I'll never forget him. Tell him he was the greatest thing to ever happen to 13 year old girl.
And tell him I mean it.
And tell him if he ever ever ever ever needs me to call me. I'll run to him, anytime of day, any type of wheather, any condition, and I'll be there.
*~Just go outside and kiss the rain. I'm all around you.*~
And I feel a little empty now because of you.
and I feel a little bit lonely now because of you.
GOD I CANT TAKE THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I WANT TO SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE GOD, LET ME SEE HIM SOON!! PLEASE PLEASE!
i just want my chance. i wont blow it this time.