|Current mood:|| crushed|
|Current music:||Science vs. Romance-Rilo Kiley|
The reason why it hurt so bad when you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend wasn't because I was in love with you or some shit like that. I mean, I was in love with you, but it wasn't the entire reason.
It was because I put more trust in you than anybody. You were my only means of support during one of the worst times of my life. My other friends couldn't understand, my mother could barely get out of bed, my father wouldn't talk about it, my sister was in another country and my brother was the source of pain. You had been there. You asked me how I felt. I didn't have to sugarcoat anything for you. I did the same for you when you had your own troubles. I thought there were no secrets between us. You were my best friend. Even though we weren't hanging out everyday, you were the one person I felt 100% comfortable around. I felt safe with you.
So for you to keep a secret from me--a rather big secret, when you think about it, one that I found out about through fucking facebook, no less--really fucking hurt. You broke my heart. When I ran into you the day word got about you and your new girl (9/4/08,) when I ran into you in the quad, your eyes went from my face to the ground in under thirty seconds. That hurt me so much, I cut class, went back to my apartment and cried my eyes out. Your actions didn't help, either. You went from not being able to look at me to telling me you loved me as you kissed my neck to telling me you weren't one to judge break ups to telling me I absolutely had to meet her in under a month just about killed me. I was a wreck. Then, second semester? We could barely hold a fucking conversation whenever we saw each other. I hated you for that. I hated that you went and changed everything. Why the fuck couldn't you just tell me? If you had just been some stupid schoolgirl crush object of mine, I would have been able to let go. But since there was a friendship involved, I was angry. And clearly, I still am.
I wish I could tell you this to your face. I wish we had gotten the chance to talk about this before I moved.
Now...I don't think we will.