| Current mood: |  indescribable |
| Current music: | Indigo Girls - Fare Thee Well, Hope Alone |
City Tomorrow
Tomorrow I am going back to the city for the weekend. I'm already dying. I hate going home and I don't know why, well, I mean, I do know why. I always get into a fight with my mom and I hate that and I hate being angry at her and being pissed off in general. I don't know how I'm going to deal with Spring Break, but at least I'll be really, really drugged. I can't believe it though, in a month from tomorrow I'll be having surgery, I'll receive a scar that will stand out forever...but, after that, I'll be healthy. I don't even want to think about it. Tonight, I had dinner with LASO and it was amazing, I am now a member. We ate and danced and talked and I felt like there was a sense of understanding and that everyone knew what it was like to be one of the only *blanks* in a groups. Okay, here's the truth, I'm not thinking about anything I'm writing, I'm thinking about Raluca. What I'm thinking about Raluca exactly, I'm not quite sure. Yes, I care for her very, very deeply. Yes, I'm attracted to her. Yes, I admire her. Yes, I'm totally the smitten kitten. No, I don't know what to do. I JUST WANT HER TO BE HAPPY! Well, not just, but a big part of it. My poem, you know, that one down there is for her. I ended up titling it "Tonight" which I thought was fitting. I want to read it to her, but I can't. I read it last night at this Poetry Slam, just for fun and I wanted to cry. At the same time, it felt so amazing to write something I was proud of again. I've felt so bled dry lately, unable to write. I can't even write now. I hate to cry, but at least I'm alone and can shame myself in private. I wish that I could be a better friend to her...
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