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blue4me (blue4me) wrote,
@ 2003-09-25 11:23:00
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    Hmmm...
    Well, I am back in the woods. Matt kept letting that little whore over, and she is creating a multitude of problems. Then she started stealing my stuff from the house, and matt's sister in law just let her, and didn't tell me about it until I asked where Robert's $1500 ring was that I borrowed from him and had accidentally left in the shower. What's next is she going to start slashing my tires? She's going around telling everyone she's going to beat me up, then says absoultely nothing when she sees me at matt's house. I'm sick of the high school bs, that's why I moved out. I have enough stress, I don't need more from this little whore. Shit, I was nice, I introduced her to people, and what does she do, she sleeps with a guy that I'm with, then when I have to live with him, what does she do, she rubs it in my face, she comes over like every day. She calls all my friends who don't want to talk to her, even though they ask her to please stop calling. So I figured the woods was a better situation, at least I know my car, which if I ever want to have a secure place to live again i need, is safe there, there is no little tramp who is going to fuck it up. I might move to NC and work for my dad's company, my friend Chris is probabally going to come. I also realized, the thing with dan, just momentary happiness. I mean, I still like him, but I dunno. I am miserable again. And danielle, well, I think we are growing apart. I really don't want to, but i think it is what is happening. I am not sure what to do. It's like, she had quit smoking (buds) before I even met her, but now she is again, and I feel like just her smoking buddy now. We don't really talk ne more, I mean we do, but we don't tell each other everything anymore, she doesn't lisnten to me ne more, and if there isn't any trees, she says nevermind lets not hang out. We used to take trips to the beach and the deleware water gap, and valley forge for no reason at all, we just used to be spontaneous and have fun together, it's like now, it's just different. I was lisntening to this good charlotte song last night, after I had this revelation about danielle, and I just started cyring. The song was called Say Anything:

    Here I am on the phone again and...
    Awkward silence is on the other end
    I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
    But right now (right now) all I feel (all I feel)
    is the pain of the fighting starting up again

    All the things you talk about you know they stay on my mind, on my mind
    All the things we laugh about they'll bring us through it every time
    after time, after time

    Don't say a word, I know you feel the same
    Just give me a sign, say anything, say anything
    Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay
    If you just give me a sign, say anything, say anything

    Some say that time changes, best friends can become strangers
    But I don't want that, no not for you
    If you just stay with me we can make it through

    So here we are again
    Same old arguement
    Now I'm wondering if things'll ever change you
    When will you laugh again, laugh like you did back when
    We'd make noise til 3:00 A.M.
    When the neighbors would complain

    All the things you talk about you know they stay on my mind, on my mind
    All the things we laugh about will bring us through it every time,
    after time, after time

    Don't say a word, I know you feel the same
    Just give me a sign, say anything, say anything
    Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay
    If you just give me a sign, say anything, say anything

    I'm fallin, I'm fallin, I'm fallin down
    I'm fallin, I'm fallin, I'm fallin down
    Down...down...down

    Don't say a word, I know you feel the same
    Just give me a sign, say anything, say anything
    Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay
    If you just give me a sign, say anything, say anything

    (Please don't leave)
    Don't say a word, I know you feel the same
    Just give me a sign, say anything, say anything
    (Please don't leave)
    Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay
    If you just give me a sign, say anything, say anything

    It's just exactally what I see happening right now. I am not sure what to do about it either. It is scary. I have never loved anyone in anyway as much as i love danielle, it's like a new breed of love. And just disreguarding everything else, I don't want to loose my best friend, my family, i feel like she has the other half of my soul. Expecially not like this, I don't want to just grow apart, become strangers. If we are going to have this happen it needs to be for a damn good reason. But i feel it happening more and more. It is very slow, but I feel it, we gradually went from hanging out every day, to hanging out about once every week and a half, we went from knowing where each other were all the time, to maybe talking once a day. I just feel scared.
    In other depressing things, Vince, my Vince is having a baby. Now, I don't know why this bothers me. It really shouldn't but it does. I guess I just always had in the back of my head that there was a possibility that we would still be togehter, even though we haven't even talked for like a year. Dawn said he's not even still with the girl, but she lives with him. Her name is Sam. Even though it really would have sucked in the money and traditional sense, a part of me wishes I was her. It's weird. I wanted to... well.. i guess it's too late for that now. At least we were each other's first, I still have that over anyone else. That is something no other girl can take. Ok, well, that's enough venting for now. More later :D
    Amanda


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