|Current music:||The Space Between-Dave Matthews Band|
I've fallen into a state of depression. That's nothing new for me, but I hate being like this. I just want to be happy, but I have no idea how to actually get there from here. There are aspects of my life that are great, like Hailey. She's really the only thing that keeps me going anymore. If it wasn't for knowing that I get to see her smiling face, I'd just give it up right now. That's a terrible way to be, but it just seems like no matter what I do it's wrong. I tend to surround myself with negative people, and I really need to stop doing that. I don't have many friends, and the ones I do have aren't worth having, because all they do is bring me down. I really need to start getting my shit together, and quit worrying about everyone else and their problems. I think that's the thing right there, in a nut shell. I've lived my whole life for other people, and never for myself. Everyone always wants me to help them sort out their crappy lives, and their problems, and listen to everything they have to say, but do you think anyone ever listens to me? Nope. I try to talk to Amanda, but it seems like everything I talk to her about doesn't interest her, and she always turns the conversation back to herself. I'm really happy for her, and I'm glad she's found someone that makes her happy, but I really get tired of hearing about it. I'll admit it, I'm a little jealous, but it wouldn't be so bad if she would just listen to me when I have a problem. That's supposed to be what "best friends" do. Perhaps I should just drop everyone in my life right now and start over. That's starting to seem like the best option. I don't know, but I do know that I need to get away from all of these self centered people. They're driving me crazy!