| Current mood: | hung over |
| Current music: | bright eyes: lover i dont have to love |
the raven
its been awhile, well, longer then usuall
its becomming harder and harder to generate a answer when i ask my self "whats new in my world today"
i did have a pretty good time yesterday, my school had a home comming game and then a dance.
my friend kyle and i went with the mission of getting waisted, and we did.
acthually, now that i have a moment to reflect on the whole week, i spent most of the time on something.
i guess this is one of thoes little fits i go though, the on and off game iv been play with my drug abuse.
next week i'll be bragging about how iv been clean for the past day or two.
lol
everyone keeps reminding me that my birthday is next week.
all i want for my birthday is to be out of this house, away from all of this. the drugs, the yelling, i want to wash my hands of it all and start my life. im a 17 year old boy who hasent yet grow up.
+
but, on a softer subject, yesterday was one of the better experiences with achole iv had.
the first time i ever drank, i sat in the woods, with a friend. i kneeled down, screamed the words to my presonal song of choice back then, and scratched my wrists untill they bled
.....this isnt really the type of subject i was looking for.....
ah, janaha and jesus, thats something good to talk about
there my personal symbol that i can do good in the world
jesus, or rather lee is a new kid at my school, he moved here from england.
janaha, or rather rat girl, is a old friend of mine
she's one of thoes people who, no matter what, always has the best attutide about most everything
i introduced the two and the next moment there lovers
i feel proud of them, but i also see what i dont have, in them.
i notice what im missing
i keep finding my self dwelling on that, this, the fact that i dont have anyone
i keep listening to all the wrong songs
i keep finding my self looking at couples, lovers, with envious eyes
+
we read the raven the other day, it is one of my more favorable edgar allen poe stories.
im a ex-A.E. Poe fan.
i didnt notice, untill i was about half way through the story, the small wet circles on the page, the tear rolling down my cheek.
everyone was entranced in the story as well, so no one saw i think.
that would be disasterious for the image i use at school. it would be a great gaping hole in the mask i wear.
::sigh::
i really should be doing something. i should be living up the last moments of my freedom
the period before this house turns hostile again.
::a requem for my freedom::
i'll write more once my parents are back im shure, when i'll be forced to restrain to the confinds of my room
bye
love
-clovers-
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