clover (blackclovers) wrote, @ 2003-09-03 13:24:00

horrable doll faces
my day was going pretty good, up till when i got a fucking detention in algebra 2, sufice it to say, i was quite pissed
i guess my days been ok besides that, i havent bothered to update this in a couple days, so
Info: iv been clean the past couple days, no drugs what so ever, just cigarettes
i spent most of last night thinking about a girl i used to date, i really miss her
she was bipolar and a manic depressive
she was the one who got me started cutting, (when i used to cut)
she put me through more hell in a week then what i would have gone though in a year
and i loved her for it
most people see pain, sorrowfull events in one's life, as something to avoid. i always looked at pain as something that makes you stronger.
when you can watch someone kill them selves over and over, you learn how to stop feeling for them, you learn how to stop feeling for people in general
she was the one who taught me not to care about people i love
she taught me not to feel anything
i cant really say i love her, im more grateful and i respect her for treating me the way she did
even though, towards the end, i made her care for me, and it was me who hurt her more then anyone else ever had

+

i never like hurting people but sometimes it has to be done, if for nothing else, then for the person your hurting
when people love people like me they just end up wanting to die (suck a romantic notion)

*

o well, thats enough treking through the past for today
time to do home work


love
-clovers-

Post a comment in response:

From:		Anonymous
		Username:
		Username:  Password:  Login?
Subject:	No HTML allowed in subject
	No Image
	Don't auto-format:
Message:	Enter the security code below. Allowed HTML: <a> <abbr> <acronym> <address> <area> <b> <bdo> <big> <blockquote> <br> <caption> <center> <cite> <code> <col> <colgroup> <dd> <dd> <del> <dfn> <div> <dl> <dt> <dt> <em> <font> <h1> <h2> <h3> <h4> <h5> <h6> <hr> <i> <img> <ins> <kbd> <li> <li> <map> <marquee> <ol> <p> <pre> <q> <s> <samp> <small> <span> <strike> <strong> <sub> <sup> <table> <tbody> <td> <tfoot> <th> <thead> <tr> <tt> <u> <ul> <var> <xmp>