|Current mood:|| okay|
this is my life. this always will be my life.
So after feeling like shit the last time I posted, I got on the treadmill and ran/walked for 2 miles. I wasn't in such a good mood. I started to fast, but then I decided that someday I will have to eat. I just had some hamburger meat. I then decided I would do the no carb thing. So I am currently cutting down on the carb intake to lose weigh for next friday's game. I am not cheering this year for football, only for basketball. So I am happy that this will be giving me a break somewhat. I was looking at a poem last night that my old boyfriend wrote me. It was weird. He was in love with me, yet I didn't know it. I am so spacey that it's crazy. I think maybe I thought it was just nothing, and blew it off. But it was something. It really was. I even read the poem to Branden, and he said that it sounded like he was in love with me. Oh yeah, about Branden... he made up with that one girl he cheated on. And I can't believe I thought that maybe he was a different type of guy. I mean, he cried to me on the phone, talking about how ashamed he was, and I thought that he wasn't just an ordinary guy. This guy has a deep feeling to him, that I have never felt before with anyone. It's funny too, because I don't talk to him every day anymore, and he likes all these girls anyways. But I am glad I am able to get over this, because I just realized that I don't need him. I thought about how he talked to me when he went out with Kasey. And how he screwed ashley but kissed that one girl. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Who wants that type of a boyfriend? He says he think he is in love with ashley still, and that he thinks about her like every minute. Well I am happy for him. I'm not happy that he think all these girls are hott and he likes them instead of me, but I am happy that he can go on and be content with himself. As for me, I am never putting my heart out on the line again until I find a guy who is truley genuine. I want someone that wants to be with me. I want the guy that will talk about me, think about me, and I want it to be real.