Erica (bewilderbeast) wrote, @ 2004-10-22 16:49:00

How to be cool?
I like this answer:
You are a man, so I am talking to you like a man, because an interest in cool is generally inspired by one thing, and that is to be catnip to the members of the sex that gives you those catnip-related feelings. I am also going to respond as though you wanted an answer instead of a hilarious zinger. If I am wrong about these things, my apologies.

Young cool guys are a dime a dozen. Cool doesn't age well, either -- at least snarky, pop culture reference-heavy, detached, one upsmanship-type cool. I associate real cool with self-knowledge and lack of fear.

An older man who is cool this way is rarer and far more exciting, because he's earned it by living well -- his mind, body, and spirit having grown more sophisticated but unjaded by experience. He's effortless, because he's spent a life exploring in the world, cultivating his tastes, and learning how to engage people without overwhelming them with all his toys of coolness. In his presence, you know you will eat, drink, and talk well, and that you will not be insulted or unappreciated, because he wouldn't bother with you at all if he didn't think well of you. He knows himself, so he is no longer obsessed by himself, and his comfort in his own skin means his interests and relationships are sincere.

But you don't get to be this man if you try to be cool. Be adventuresome instead, be sweet, be brave -- be all the things that are so much rarer. Once the question ceases to matter to you, it will have happened. And if really is the point of interest, the ladies will love you, and not in that neurotic way inspired by insecure men thinly shellacked with the right clothes and phrases. They will relax, they will be bright and happy, they will kiss you with abandon, because they won’t be thinking “I wonder if my breath is winterfresh enough for Mr. Cool here”-- they will be too busy abandoning themselves to you for that. It’ll work on men too, if that would be better. It’ll work on anyone. Best of luck.

... more thoughts on this subject.

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