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Becky (benjis_baby) wrote,
@ 2002-11-18 15:59:00
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    Current mood: depressed

    :/
    When I said I didn't want to "bother" with things anymore, I meant, I'm not going to keep going through this stupid fighting shit anymore.
    I didn't mean I wasn't going to bother with you anymore.

    But you know, I could easily drop off the face of the earth. Really really easily.

    I'm just tired of fighting all of the time. Yeah, i may not be the best friend ever, and it may sound selfish, but I'm finally happy. I'm finally smiling every single day, I'm finally happy to wake up in the morning.
    So now that I'm finally not crying every minute of the day, I'm not going to bother with stupid fights that I dont even know why I'm fighting them.

    For the past two months I was constantly fighting the urge to cry, I was constantly fighting with people, and I dont even know why I was fighting.
    So after two, almost three months, of being stuck in a rut that I didn't think I was ever going to get out of, i'm not going to let myself go back into that hole. I'm not going to fight with my friends over stupid bullshit.

    It may sound selfish, but I'm finally happy. I'm in love for the first time in my life, I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.
    So when I get into stupid fights that all they really do is give me headaches, why should I bother with that when there's no need for it?
    If I'm being a bitch, I dont do it intentionally. When I said that before, I honestly meant it.

    Yeah, maybe you were right when you said that the only thing that matters to me is myself and Derek. Maybe. But I'm trying my goddamn hardest in school. And I'm trying to get a job.
    And at the same time, I'm trying to keep myself happy.

    so sue me if i act like a bitch once in a while.



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