Actually....that sounds pretty good.
Urgh. Today was evil. My cat is still ill. I got a notice that something I ordered as a Christmas present isn't coming. Oh, yeah...and I got ill as well. I hate crap Mondays. I'll just blame the day. On top of everything, I am already a wreck. The end of the semester means to kill me and I have no urge to stop it...I'm tired. My goal right now is to make sure my kitty is okay and to not fail classes. By doing this, I've also become ill with worry...which seems to be separate from the above...I think. I'm just ill. Sleep sounds good. But, whatever. I'll sleep eventually.
I just turned the t.v. off. But, I was watching Mash. It reminds me of home, reminds me of my mama; makes me happy for a few. If I could pull aspects in my life together, I think it would be complete...maybe. But, my mama isn't here...nor my brothers, uncles, or Goomie. Coo isn't here. I'm missing connections...and it is all taking it's toll. It is all kicking my butt. One can only ask and expect so much from one person. And sometimes I'm so lonely and torn up inside that I just cradle myself, wrap up with big blankets, and cry into pillows. I miss my family. I miss my Coo. I think...I miss someone understanding. Don't get me wrong, I love you people...I just miss some others. They can't be replaced.
I was angry with the world today...I guess cause everything was sucking. I had the urge to shove my face into a pillow and scream. That sounded like fun. I thought I might bother my neighors. Hmm...I'm always considering others. Even though...my neighbors are bastards. They are either A) having loud stupid parties B) having loud stupid arguements with cussing and slamming doors or C) have loud sex with objects smacking against the walls. They have a complicated life...more-so than mine I think. They are always screaming at each other. I think their life revolves around hating one another and having sex to make up for it. They throw parties to cover over their disgust for their own lives. I'm probably wrong. They probably like sucking. Sucky people usually don't seem to mind being that way. Anyway, I feel sorry for them sometimes. I wouldn't want to live like that. No. I think I'll take my neurotic way. I handle that better anyway. I wouldn't be able to live like them. I can't take people screaming at me. It makes me want to sink into a corner, mushing myself, praying to become part of the wall. Yeah. Don't yell at me...bastards.
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