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Hello!
I lurk over at The Mary Sue Report and Godawful Fanfiction, and now I can share the badness with you. ^^
Title: Unseeing Eyes (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1168931)
Author: Missfizz
Fandom: Lord of the Legomance Rings, supposedly
SCORES
PLOT: 0/5 The Three Hunters come upon Irenna outside of Rohan, causing them to run back to Rivendell. There they ask Gandalf and Elrond about her, and it's discovered she has sooper sekrit powers the Fellowship needs. No explination is given for Gandalf's sudden apearance in Rivendell, or why Legolas would make the desicion to head back there.
CHARACTERIZATION: 0/5 Features AngstyPMSing!Aragorn for the sole purpose of making Legolas look good, and comic relief Gimli.
TECHNICAL: 2/5 Amazing tense switching action! Run-on sentences like whoa! The spelling is good, though.
AUTHOR HONESTY: 5/5 She does admit to not knowing what the hell she's writing about, but that doesn't make it any better.
This fic just makes me ask why. Not quite WHY GOD WHY, but just 'Why in the name of Tolkien was this written?'Summary. "Why do you hate her so much Aragorn? You have never given her a chance." "She will bring trouble, Legolas. Mark my word on that." The Fellowship is broken. Whether Aragorn wants to admit it, they need help. This is not an Aragorn romance story. It is more about Legolas.
Notes: I am only starting the book Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of The Ring. All information's are based on the movie and my imagination.
Author's Note: As this is my first Lord of The Rings fiction and haven't read the book, I haven't been really in-depth with the characters except for my own characters. Please forgive me if the characters aren't living up to their personality. I promise after a few more chapters and when I am more comfortable writing "LOTR" style, their personalities will be more in- tune.
I'm scratching my head at this. Why write fanfiction if you're just going to ignore the canon characters for your own original ones? And why write for a fandom you know very little about?
''Aragorn, do you even have a direction?" Asked Gimli, exasperated. After the battle in Helm's Deep the three had been out on a journey, killing the remaining Orcs and spreading words to the Dwarves and Men to move to Helm's Deep where it is safer. According to Gandalf, he had ordered Tree Beard, an Ent to take Merry and Pipin to somewhere safe. The three of them were also hoping to track down the Hobbits to re-unite the Fellowship.
Ugh, trying to read this is like riding on one of those railway push carts, it just clanks and rattles along jerkily. And there's a reason Aragorn let Frodo go at the end of Fellowship of the Ring, and it had nothing to do with getting back together before the Ring was destroyed. Also, what about Gondor? The story hinges on him going there and setting up a distracton for Sauron.
Ah, I see. He was too busy angsting.
After the Helm's Deep War, even though they won, Aragorn had felt like a failure. The broken Fellowship, Haldir's Death, The small amount of Rohan people that survived the war, Helm's Deep terrible state, Arwen were all hitting hit at once.
Evidently Aragorn was incredibly depressed that he helped to successfully defend Helm's Deep. Also, he telepathically knew that Arwen might have left for the Grey Havens; and even though he wanted her to go, he was very depressed about that too. Riiiiiiight.
"Doesn't have a direction." Legolas said quietly. And it was true. By the sound of the footsteps it was just running away, in circles perhaps.
How do you run away in circles? And why does 'direction' keep popping up in stupid places?
Gimli was set with his axe, ready to slaughter the figure when he realized it was a woman and lowered his axe slightly. Aragorn roughly grabbed the person from the shoulder and expected it to fight when he realized the figure, woman to be more precise was motionless.
...it's just so *bad*. Commas scattered haphazardly, run-on sentences from hell...word order has no meaning here.
Many emotions hit her at once when finally the one with the scruffen look asked her gruffly.
"Speak your name and why you are here." He pressed the blade to her throat.
That's not asking, that's demanding--and I don't think scruffen is even a word.
Anyway on to the Sue; apparently her power is to find enemies...and faint.
"I run and hide. If the enemies are too close, darkness overcomes me and I don't realize what is happening. I guess I pass out.
That's it? No Sugar-Heart-Twu-Luv-fluffy-animal-sparkly magic? She just faints? What the hell?
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