Avalanche (avalanche) wrote, @ 2003-05-22 21:13:00

Far from this offer of forever more
It is astounding what one can become accustom to
How things become dull and lackluster
Despite the horrific nature of the thing
Despite the depths that must be plunged into unaffraid
I close my eyes and let the terror pass over me
Right through me
Anestitized and unfeeling
I've been through this one too many times to let it affect me thus

The tears still stream down my sun touched cheeks
Recognizing the inhumanity in the situation
Only the tears betray the stone cold mask that I am presenting
Everything else appears wistful, if not completely and utterly ok

I don't want to start over again
I don't want to struggle to be heard or seen or noticed
I want to be adored
To be cherished above all else
I don't want to ride in the backseat
I don't want to feel the way I feel
I just want to love and be loved in return
I don't want fight through this lifetime alone

I feel so alone most of the time

Isolated
Dead and dying
To foster this new life inside my belly
Endlessly flipping
Endlessly speaking to me
In the hushed whispers of movement and shared connections
Embryonic
Amniotic
He is me
And I am he
I do not exist except to incubate his next breathe
I do not begrudge him this
But I must tell someone how hard this is on a body
I am reaching out with both hands
Hoping
Praying
Begging
For someone
Anyone to try and understand

Aimee you don't count

The enormity of the truth hit me last night as we lay side by side
Arguing as we do about every 2 weeks
About extra-ciricular activities
The truth is I am not as important as his music is too him
And given the oppurtunity, he would chose it over me
He said it
I heard him
Heard him loud and clear

He thinks that he can have it all
That if he blinks those lush, thick butterfly lashes in my general direction that I will crumble
The sad thing is that he is so close to the truth
I want to love him
I want this to work
I want to be a family
But I don't want to do this like I've had to raise my other 2
Mostly alone

I am so tired of this

I will not play second fiddle anymore

Post a comment in response:

From:		Anonymous
		Username:
		Username:  Password:  Login?
Subject:	No HTML allowed in subject
	No Image
	Don't auto-format:
Message:	Enter the security code below. Allowed HTML: <a> <abbr> <acronym> <address> <area> <b> <bdo> <big> <blockquote> <br> <caption> <center> <cite> <code> <col> <colgroup> <dd> <dd> <del> <dfn> <div> <dl> <dt> <dt> <em> <font> <h1> <h2> <h3> <h4> <h5> <h6> <hr> <i> <img> <ins> <kbd> <li> <li> <map> <marquee> <ol> <p> <pre> <q> <s> <samp> <small> <span> <strike> <strong> <sub> <sup> <table> <tbody> <td> <tfoot> <th> <thead> <tr> <tt> <u> <ul> <var> <xmp>