Brainstorm # one
I remember I used to write in this damn thing just about every day. It was about that time that I thought everything that happened was worth writing/talking about, and I usually did. A lot has changed in the past few years, aside from the fact that I am happier and weigh about twenty pounds less, I have a wonderful boyfriend, an adorable puppy, I've moved several times, and actually figured out what I would like to do with my life. I want to go to law school. Anyone that knew me in high school or prior to college I should say, would not be that suprised about this, but, well actually no one seemed that suprised about it, but I haven't discussed it much with anyone other than Geoff and my dad. My dad was the first person I really discussed it with because he is the one who can not only relate to me the most, but also knows the most about law school and the law in general. I am scared about going to Law school. I havent ever said that out loud, and I doubt i ever will. you see, verbalizing something like fear makes it seem more real, and in a completely illogical way, I feel like I am jinxing myself into failure. Having my father who as far as I can tell (by my standards), has done so well, and done so much, I feel like I have a lot to live up to. I am not saying I can't, but I am not sure I will, I wish I knew what the future was going to bring. I wish I knew if I can and will have kids, I feel like if I am going to have a family, law school is kind of a waste of my time and money, why would I go to school for the next three to four years, and then quit to have kids? Even if Geoff and I have plenty of money, it seems like it is wasting my time and effort. I don't like saying that, I want to be educated, I want to work, I want to make something of myself, which is why the older I get, the less I want children. which is wierd I have always loved children and always wanted a family, I don't know if i am getting more selfish as I age or just more cynical, but a family does not seem like it is a definite thing anymore. So, why do I want to go to law school? why do I want to be a lawyer? my first response sounds somewhat apathetic, but, it is not meant that way. I just cannot think of anything else I would want to do. that could be taken in more than one way, but I just mean, throughout my life, I have been exposed to many things, art, history, science, journalism, academia in general, which is filled with some many possibilities, and after being exposed to and cosidered so many other possibilities, being a lawyer is the only thing that seems to make sense to me. I have talked about being a lawyer since I was very young, mainly because that is what my dad was, and I just like every other child at some point, wanted to be just like dad. I later went through a phase where I wanted to be nothing like my parents, nothing like my previous type A self. this is when I found art, specifically photography. considering the fact that I had always been a math and science, afraid of creativity type of person, this is the best thing that could have happened to me. I found a whole other side of myself, that I was never previously aware of. As an art student I have been exposed to many things, that I never would have otherwised experienced. I have learned to think in a unique way that allows me to see both sides of everything. I feel like art has completed me as a well rounded person. I have become more understanding and accepting of others, even those that I would not have been able to relate to before. It has taught me to form my own opinions about everything and that I am just as capible (qualified, worthy) as anyone else to voice those opinions.
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