|Current mood:|| hopeful|
|Current music:||sensefield... save yourself (acoustic version)|
so today i worked, blah, viques still not back. jordan talked to me for the first time today. it made me feel bad for kinda hating him before. this was not because he was exceptionally nice to me or anything like that, but in talking to him i realized, that he does not have any people skills whatsoever. its sad really. also jon alex and i walked to lunch, subway to be exact, because that is now all i can eat. and we we talking about thorns on our way back, his real name is mathew goodman, and he randomally decided to change it to thorns capicorn. haha they were kinda talking shit on him, i dont see why the name change is anything to get worked up about. its quite amusing actually. then alex was saying that thorns is kinda psycho, and all this bad stuff, but hes sooooo nice and funny, i find what alex was saying kind of hard to believe. but i dont know why hed be telling me that kind of stuff if it wasnt true. nothing to lose sleep over. oh yeah, that guy from saturday night has called twice, he called the day after i met him and the following day. what happened to the good old 3 day rule. the first time i answered the phone, and he asked for me and i was like no im sorry shes not here right now. then tonite when he called i said i was on the other line and i would call back. never did. dont plan on it. i know thats kind of mean, but he doesnt like music. i could never like a guy that wasnt into music. and i dont know how he would take it if i told him that. plus he barely even talked to me so he cant like me for me, he just thought i was pretty. and i dont want a guy that likes me for just looks. so ive justified it. this is why i never get the guys i like, cuz i treat all the guys that like me badly. its kharma, and the fact that god hates me. im still on that gay ass diet, and im actually doing pretty well AND today, i did double classes, body works and spin , thank the lord rob wasnt there or i would have died. it was pretty damn brutal. and i dont know if i mentioned it before but i msged david on that friendthing and apologized for the whole stalking thing, and explained it was emily and not me who asked him to be my "friend" or whatever. and so today he msged me back, pretty quick for him, normally it takes like weeks if he ever even does. and he was like dont be sorry youre no stalked and if you were it would be kinda cool, ive never had one and it would be a unique experience:) then since i called him a little stud in the last one, hes like i like to think of myself as more of a greek god or at the very least a HUGE stud, but ill take the compliment none the less. the show was soso i dont like hogues or chain for that matter the show on the 10th will be better. xo david. he moved up on my scale bc he played a little, i love people that joke around. so based solely on that i dont not like him anymore. i really wanna go to the show on thursday, i wanna see marlon soo bad. i hope he hasnt forgotten me. oh so last night i woke up at like 230 and just came to check the computer, david and chris were on. i wouldnt say anything to david, but i did im chris. and he totally blew me off. its okay, this is an essential part of my 12 step chris program. the 12th and final step will take place on friday july 11th at cal state long beach at warped tour if i can see him and feel nothing. ideally i would talk to him and feel nothing, but seeing him will prolly have to do. hes kind of an ass now. not that it matters, its good for me. plus, hes already been replaced. i talked to derek tonight for the first time in forever. hes had a girlfriend for the last nine months. theres something about that that bother me. dont get me wrong i dont have feelings for him anymore, i dont even really like him as a person much. hes nice and all, but the most boring person ive ever met. hes not passionate abt anything but fitting in and being cool and people like that are soo incredibly boring. but yeah back to what bothers me. so nine months, i saw him in april , which was less than nine months ago, and he was like hitting on me and talking abt showers and kissing and stuff (nothing happened) but still it would have if i let it, and he kept asking me to come over late at night and asking if he could come over... even if he didnt have a girlfriend i wouldnt have even considered it, but still finding out he had a girlfriend when he was trying to hook up with me again, just makes me lose even more respect for him. actually that combined with saturday night makes me lose basically the last shred of faith i had in the male species. okay so sara and i went to the spectrum, and walk around blah blah blah. we were running out of things to do, and were abt to leave when we ran into jared and cassandra, so they wanna go to johnny rockets, and for lack of anything else to do, we tag along, even though there is not a damn thing there i can have besides water. anyways, so while everyone else is eating, i turn around and start people watching out the window. now guys kept stopping and looking, which i dont love, but i can handle. but like 10 or so guys who are walking with girls, like holding their hands or had their arms around these girls who i am assuming were their girlfriends kept like blowing me kisses and doing the little head tilt with the eyebrow raise. not only do these guys have gfs but theyre right htere!! they shouldnt even be looking at me, let alone blowing me kisses. where have all the decent guys gone. the ones that seem decent like chris and marlon, always end up not being decent. like chris, well i dont know he might be still to others, not me. i hope marlon doesnt disappoint me. what am i talking abt, he cant disappoint me if i dont have feelings for him, which i cant, ive only talked to hime like 3 or 4 times and the longest convo was like 20 minutes or something like that. i cant let myself do with him what i did with chris. i cant go through that again. ever. im so stupid. im just getting over him after a year of pain and heartbreak, and im already looking for more. i need psychiatric help. wow. my dad wants me to call that girl allison from u of a again so we can meet for lunch so we can talk about rushing, i wanted to except i dont want to go over there any sooner than i have to. i would have to go over there the 20th if i rush, and if i dont im hoping i can push it back to like the 23rd, since by man, this day forwars and christensen are playing at chain the 22nd and vique said that i could be the merch girl and that would be a good show to do it at. we are going to the brandnew show on sunday (vique and i) yay im soo excited. im soooo getting merch, their new cd is soooooo amazing i must support them since i got the cd for free and im getting into the show for free, i feel like a cheating fan if that makes any sense whatsoever. dashboard and brandnew are playing together starting in late august and theyre playing phoenix on the 20th of september, and i wanna go if its not a school night, cuz i wont be able to make it back if it is... but if its not i can stay at nikkies over night, this idea of course will only work if i get to bring my car, and i wont know about that until i dont even know when, sometime before the end of july, but the tickets will be going on sale july 18th. okay i just checked, september 20th is a saturday. yay :) k well now all i need is if i have a car or not and if nikkie will take me in for the night. under my mood im putting hopeful, which i know is dangerous cuz that means things are going to go less good, but, honesty is the best policy.